I read the title above and wondered, "Hmmm. Wonder how that will hit people when they read it?"
Keeping children "busy" doesn't necessarily sound like good parenting. But in looking around at children who are nearing the pre-teen or teenage years, I have to believe that children who have an endeavor that they can focus on don't have idle time to spend getting into something ... else.
I have found that kids need help at young ages finding things to focus on. Most children I've known, including my own, don't focus easily on any one thing for any lengthy period of time. They might need a little push, (operative word "little.") Getting them excited about a musical instrument, a past time that has goals like sports or other competitions like spelling, math, or debate for example, can be very healthy. And it can be healthy in many ways. I DO have to say that there are ways of going about this that might NOT be good, like pushing kids into things that they really don't like, pushing too hard, etc., but exposing them to some of these activities and encouraging them to focus on being really good at something, is GOOD!
This isn't to say that children don't need some time just to play, but being able to develop focus early on is a good thing.
A close friend of mine that I really respect was talking with a couple of my kids the other day. He was talking with them about life, and about choices along the way. One of my kids asked him, "How come you're good at so many things?" He said to them, "I'm not great at everything, but I made a decision a long time ago that I want to be a collector of things I can do!" What an interesting way of explaining that. He went on to say that it opens a lot of doors in life to know how to do things, to understand things, and to be able to relate and talk with others about activities. He also said that it makes you more interesting.
I want my children to have interests. I want them to pursue interests. I want them to be active children. Heck. If all parents were to encourage being really involved in constructive activities, (what some might think is part of active parenting), it might just also help a little with our problem with childhood obesity that we face.
What are your thoughts on helping children find endeavors to focus on? Do you think it should be part of "Positive Parenting with a Plan"? Let us know! Comment here, or let us know on Positive Parenting with Purpose!
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Saturday, July 28, 2012
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Parenting Talks with Kids
The other day, our minister brought up a point that I thought was really good. It's something I'd thought about before, but the context he put it in brought his point home really well.
His discussion was about how to reach others when you're talking with them -- how to really make an impact. The example he used was when he was talking with his son; all parents who have or have had adolescents or teens know how difficult it can sometimes be to reach them.
His story was about how his wife makes dinner for the family every night, and quite often, his son would throw a fit as soon as dinner was served. (He apparently was a very picky eater, and didn't like the looks of much of what his mother served.) He'd scowl up his face and make ugly comments about the food before he even tasted it.
The minister went on to say that he found something that was really important to the boy, (his Leggo creations) and the next time the boy came to show his dad his creation, his dad praised him, pointed out all of the great things about what his son had done, and made him feel really good about it, as he usually did when his son showed him what he'd built. This time, though, he drew a parallel to the boy's mother who spent hours making dinner every night for the family. He asked his son how HE would feel if, instead of telling the boy all of the great things about his Leggo creation, his father didn't even want to look at it, or didn't say anything nice about it.
The minister continued to tell his audience what happened in the discussion with his son; his son understood what it might be like to have his feelings hurt from insensitive comments.
The point to all of this was this: facts can teach. But you can really reach someone when you combine facts with feelings. The father was able to find something that the boy felt really strongly about, and use that along with some facts, to make his point.
This can be the difference between what seems like "talking at" a son or daughter, and "talking with" them. It's about talking their language. It could take a little work, and some planning, but the results might be well worth it. (And it might save a lot of other work -- and frustration -- that you might face otherwise!
And it's amazing where these kind of reminders might come from!
For more on this and other positive parenting topics, visit Positive Parenting with Purpose. For specific pages related to this topic, check out Positive Parenting with a Plan, Parenting Talk, Emotional Development, and Parenting Skills.
His discussion was about how to reach others when you're talking with them -- how to really make an impact. The example he used was when he was talking with his son; all parents who have or have had adolescents or teens know how difficult it can sometimes be to reach them.
His story was about how his wife makes dinner for the family every night, and quite often, his son would throw a fit as soon as dinner was served. (He apparently was a very picky eater, and didn't like the looks of much of what his mother served.) He'd scowl up his face and make ugly comments about the food before he even tasted it.
The minister went on to say that he found something that was really important to the boy, (his Leggo creations) and the next time the boy came to show his dad his creation, his dad praised him, pointed out all of the great things about what his son had done, and made him feel really good about it, as he usually did when his son showed him what he'd built. This time, though, he drew a parallel to the boy's mother who spent hours making dinner every night for the family. He asked his son how HE would feel if, instead of telling the boy all of the great things about his Leggo creation, his father didn't even want to look at it, or didn't say anything nice about it.
The minister continued to tell his audience what happened in the discussion with his son; his son understood what it might be like to have his feelings hurt from insensitive comments.
The point to all of this was this: facts can teach. But you can really reach someone when you combine facts with feelings. The father was able to find something that the boy felt really strongly about, and use that along with some facts, to make his point.
This can be the difference between what seems like "talking at" a son or daughter, and "talking with" them. It's about talking their language. It could take a little work, and some planning, but the results might be well worth it. (And it might save a lot of other work -- and frustration -- that you might face otherwise!
And it's amazing where these kind of reminders might come from!
For more on this and other positive parenting topics, visit Positive Parenting with Purpose. For specific pages related to this topic, check out Positive Parenting with a Plan, Parenting Talk, Emotional Development, and Parenting Skills.
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