Teaching Kids Personal Values

I read and watch all of the chatter surrounding Lance Armstrong and his eventual confession about actually doping while participating in professional cycling, and also his confession about lying for the past several years.

So many thoughts go through my head.

With all of the hype around the topic, it's no surprise that my 10 year old asked me the other day, "Mom, what is 'doping'", followed almost immediately by, "Why did he lie about it?"

Obviously, I had to explain the term to him and then explain reasons why it's been such a topic of discussion recently.

The second question, the one about lying, came just after we watched the CEO of Livestrong talk about the effects of Lance's revelation on the Organization, and it needed more thought on my part in order to provide the most meaningful explanation.

If you've read any of my other entries in this parenting blog, you'll know how I feel about teaching kids personal values.  One of the primary ones to teach at a young age is the negatives of lying.  It's a hard lesson to learn, and some don't ever learn it.  Some, as Lance indicated happened with him, lie to perpetuate their own reality regardless of the effects it has on others.

Kids who are taught personal values, such as telling the truth,  at an early age are much more likely to have a strong sense of virtue and want to do what's right with others, and do it for God and themselves... just because it's right.

I can't begin to know Mr. Armstrong's upbringing, his inner drive to perpetuate the narrative that he was the best of the best, at all costs.  I feel for what he put others through who competed with and against him the honest way.  But this post isn't so much about him, as it is about what we can and should learn from it all.

I'll be purposefully inserting some discussion with my kids about it, and hopefully get their wheels turning about the choices and consequences surrounding this situation.  I hope that some good can come from it. 

Teaching Kids Respect

I went to a swim meet with my kids the other night.  I worked in the "bull pen," which is the holding area for the different age groups of kids.

Some of the kids were wonderful.  They were excited, but pretty much did what they were supposed to do, went where they were supposed to go when it was time, and listened when they were talked to.  Some weren't as... great to work with.

One child was particularly challenging.  He didn't do as he was asked, he didn't stay in the bull pen, and caused havoc with the adults trying to manage the kids in getting them to their events on time.

I was one of the adults trying to manage these children.  There was one other adult helping.  We tried several times to talk with this child to get him to a place of understanding what was expected of him.  Nothing seemed to work. The other woman who was helping was so frustrated that she threw her hands up and told me that she was giving up in dealing with this one child.

The lady helping me said that he needed to be taught some respect.  She comes from another country and said that her parents would have never tolerated even a small amount of his bad behavior.  I asked what would have happened in her family.  She said that the children would have shown respect to the adults, listened, waiting their turn to speak, and if they didn't, would have been spanked.

Clearly, something needs to happen with this boy.  Some things already should have been happening with him at home.  I don't know his situation at home, but it was obvious that his behavior was a result of what is (or more likely what isn't)  taking place with him at home.

There are a lot of things that came to mind that might be missing for him.  Again, I cannot say without knowing more about his home life.  All I can do is take what lessons I can from trying to work with him that night and apply them with my own family. And, ultimately, our issue, in my opinion, became one with his parents, as they are the ones that are in a position to deal appropriately with him to get him doing what he was supposed to do. 

I'm sure we've all had to deal with unruly children.  At some point, most all of us have been put in a situation where we have to manage others' kids, but of course we cannot discipline them, nor would it do much good to do that; the discipline they get at home (or lack of it) is so different that trying to teach a child in a situation like this can be futile. 

Have any of you been put in a similar position?  If so, what happened?  Let us know.  Either comment below, or write in my parenting forum at:  http://www.positive-parenting-with-purpose.com/parenting-discipline.html.  Read or contribute to other forum posts on my
Positive Parenting Blog.

If this is a topic of interest to you, check out some of my similar pages:  "Parenting Skills"  of Communication, and "Parenting Children" by being a Parent vs a Friend.