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Friday, December 7, 2012

Top 10 Baby Products Needed When Having a Baby

It sure is difficult to narrow a list of baby products down to a Top 10 List of Baby Products Needed When Having a Baby, but I've come up with my own version, cheating a little by combining a couple.  But here's the list of the items that I think a new parent should make sure that they have before bringing your new addition home:

  1. Diapers and Wipes:  Whether you use disposable diapers (there are so many brand available today including top brand names such as: Huggies Disposable Diapers, Pampers Disposable Diapers, and Luvs Disposable Diapers; generic versions, and even good discount warehouse versions!) or cloth diapers (there are cloth diapers and diaper bins that can be purchased, or, in many areas there are diaper services available) you MUST have an adequate supply of diapers ready for your newborn.  Ensure you also have the right size.  Wipes also need to be available for those diaper changes.
  2. Infant Car Seat
    In most places in the US, hospitals will not allow a new mom to leave their hospital without strapping their newborn into a car seat when leaving their facility.  Make sure the straps are sized properly for your new baby and that the seat is properly installed.  (The DMV has provided guidelines which I think are good.  Click here for more.)  If you haven't bought a car seat yet, make sure you get one that will meet your needs.  Click here fore more considerations. Also, make sure that you keep car safety in the front of your mind.
  3. Baby bottles:  Do you want to breastfeed?  Even if you do, you'll want at least one bottle for the convenience of feeding breast milk without having the baby to breast. If not, you'll want to decide if you want disposable bottles (where there are inserts for the milk that can be thrown away), plastic or glass bottles.  Nipple size and shape are also a consideration, although I always found that the baby will take what their given at some point!  Of course, if you're bottle feeding, you'll also want to decide which formula you'll want to serve and have some on hand.
  4. Baby Crib:  Do you want a crib right away, or do you think you'd prefer a bassinet?  Do you want to wait to decide and start with a pack and play that has its own built-in bassinet that can be placed right beside your bed at night and wheeled around during the day?  Decisions, decisions...
  5.  Sleepwear:  While most new parents love to go out and get a gazillion outfits for their infant prior to their arrival, after having several children myself, I can easily say that all of those outfits are not needed.  What you need to do is decide what is most comfortable for your baby, and what is easiest for you to manipulate when changing him/her.  Some of this depends on the season.  I loved the gowns when my infants were really small.  I'd use those with socks to keep their feet warm.  These nightgowns work for both boys and girls and make life a lot easier for the person changing the baby! When the baby gets older, the sleepers with the built-in footies work well. (My kids always used to take off their socks, fall asleep, and then have cold feet! These sleepers prevented that.)  If you get sleepers, consider if you like zippers or snaps.  Zippers were always much easier for me.
  6. Baby blankets:  You only need a couple of these, but I found that ALL of mine were much happier being snuggly swaddled when they came home from the hospital.
  7. Baby bath:  How will you bathe your child?  You COULD bathe them in the kitchen sink, but you'll want to make it comfortable and safe.  I always found that an inexpensive, foldable but leak-proof bathtub was best.  Click here for more considerations on bathing kids.
  8. Baby Carrier(s):  How will you carry your baby outside of the house?  Do you want a baby stroller?  If so, what kind?  Do you want another type of baby carrier like one that straps on you?  Will you just keep him/her in the infant car seat? You might find reasons to use all  of these, but you'll probably want something to help hold your child when you're out and about.
  9. Toiletries:  You'll probably want to have some petroleum jelly available for care of the belly button, some diaper rash cream, and incidentals like a baby brush or comb, bath soap, lotions, etc. 
  10. Medicines:  I always wanted to have some acetaminophen and some ibuprofen on hand.  Often, when calling the doctor because I thought one of my babies had a fever, they would give me the recommended dosing of one of these to help bring the fever down.  
For more on toiletries and medicines, click here.

If you're preparing for a baby, this is an exciting time for you! There is so much to prepare for!  The list above is just my own list of necessities when I had my kids.  I do know that, with my first, I really went overboard in getting things that I thought I needed and really didn't.  I guess that's part of the fun and excitement of it all, but if you want, just stick to the basics and have more money left for later... with a child you will need it!

Is this list missing something big?  Let us know!  Write a comment below.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Kids' Belief in Santa Claus

I was talking with a couple of friends the other day.  We started discussing Santa Claus and whether or not our children believe in him.

The conversation started in a lighthearted way, but changed a little as we got deeper into the conversation.  One friend felt very strongly that it is awful to perpetuate a long-existing myth with your children.  Most of the other moms were taken back by this and didn't quite know what to say.  (This particular mom doesn't celebrate Halloween or allow her kids to either, albeit for a very different reason.  She believes that people could easily make Halloween a very ugly celebration.) 


So this discussion about Santa Claus turned into more of an in-depth conversation about the meaning behind it all; we also talked about the ever increasing commercialization of this holiday, how easy it is to forget the true meaning of the holiday and get caught up in all the hype.

Later, as I was thinking it all over when I was at home, I thought about my friend's point, and then explored how I felt about it all.  Virginia's letter to the editor came to mind, along with the reply, "Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus." (If you're not sure what I'm talking about read about it on a Hub page I wrote going into more detail.  My Hub page is entitled, "'Is There a Santa Claus' - Revisited.")

So do YOU think there's harm in living out the dream of Santa Claus with your children?  What do YOU do to keep the true meaning of Christmas alive?  Does Santa overpower it all?

What do YOU think?  Please add to this post by commenting below.

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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Baby Strollers and Other Baby Carriers

I had a pregnant friend as me the other day about baby strollers.

There are now so many on the market, she wanted to know which baby strollers are "best" and which ones she should stay away from.  She also wanted to know what I always used to carry my kids when they weren't in a stroller, (usually called baby carriers.)

Here's what I told her:  No one person can say which stroller is the absolute best.  That's why there are so many on the market with so many different features!  What's important it to narrow down what features are necessary for you.  From there you can decide which one will meet those needs.

Based on the conversation I had with her, I thought it'd be helpful to list some things to consider when choosing between all of the baby strollers and baby carriers out there.  I've not included everything, just brushed over the highlights.  For a more all-inclusive list of things to consider, check out the pages on Positive Parenting with Purpose focused exclusively on each of these. Check out the pages on baby strollers and baby carriers. 



Strollers:

- Do you want a stroller that fits the infant car seat initially, and then converts to a sitting sitting stroller?
- Do you want your child to be able to lie all the way down?  (Some allow for that, but most strollers don't recline all of the way;  older styles do, some newer styles that are take-offs on the old ones will, and prams do.)
- Do you want a "travel system?"  These usually allow for the infant car seat initially.  They also have a lot of nooks and crannies for storing a diaper bag, purse, clothes, drinks and other items.  They're like stroller minivans!
- Is the weight it important to you?  (Will you be taking it in and out of the car a lot? 
How difficult is your vehicle to get a stroller in and out?)  Is the weight more important than the storage space for belongings?    If so, you might want to consider something like the Snap n' Go which carries the infant carrier and is one of the most light-weight ones on the market.
- Where will you be taking the child?  What will you be doing?  (i.e., shopping versus jogging.)
- How many children do you need to transport, and what is the age difference?



Baby Carriers:

- Do you want the child upright or lying down?
- Do you need a lot of mobility or does it matter?  (Some baby carriers are made specifically for hiking/camping and are like backpacks, which allow the parent to have a little more mobility in the front.)
- Are you breastfeeding?
- Do you want your child to be able to face the front, or does it matter?




For both baby strollers and carriers, you'll want to check recalls with the Consumer Product Safety Commission.  With this link you can input the product you are interested in and research any recalls on it and the reasons they took place.  If you just want to research strollers, Parents.com has put together a consolidated list here.

If you are wanting a broader search of all baby products, see this page on baby product recalls.

Know that sometimes companies voluntarily recall their products and/or provide fixes for issues that may cause concern.  You'll want to read the particulars about any recall before deciding against any product.

Do you have any specific features of baby strollers or baby carriers that new or expecting moms should know about?  Let us know!

See these links for more on baby equipment and the baby monitor.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Parenting Children by Being a Parent Not a Friend

Most anybody parenting children would probably say that they really want their kids to like them.  As a matter of fact, I don't know anyone in my friendship circle that doesn't really want their kids to like them. But I do think that there is a fine line between wanting your kids to like you and going too far to become friends with them when what they need is parents.

This is a tough one for me.  I really do want my kids to think that I'm a cool parent; I want them to like me and I want them to want to bring their friends around and not be embarrassed by their mom.  But I guess what I want more, is for them to respect me, and ultimately grow up being respectful, well - adjusted young adults that can understand and appreciate boundaries (relational, societal, etc.)

Now I'm not saying I believe that parents shouldn't be close with their kids.  It's just the opposite, and ultimately, parents having a responsible friendship with their kids is great.  The key, though, is still being a responsible adult with them.  This isn't demonstrated when parents want their kids to like them to the point that they don't help their children.  Being a parent first means being consistent with what you say and do, not rewarding bad behavior because you don't want to create a rift, and not making unpopular decisions because of concern for the kids' reactions.

I found a great article that goes into some other points about this important distinction.  It's called "Your Child is not Your 'Friend'."

I believe responsibly parenting children means knowing at what stage in their development the parents can begin to back away from being just a parent into more of a friendship role.

I have some very close friends who came over this past weekend.  Actually, I am close friends with the father and my kids are very close with his kids.  (He joined all of those that consider themselves one parent families a couple of years ago.  And he's not a single parent with an ex who sometimes helps out; the mother of his children is not in the picture at all.)

He adores his kids.  One of the primary ways that he shows this is by being such a great friend to his children.  And while I absolutely love his kids, I do wonder if their somewhat flippant attitude (that is sometimes really cute), will hurt them in the long run.  They tend to want to befriend adults -- verbally sparring and teasing.

This might be a huge help for them in life because they don't seem fearful of interacting with those older than they are.   But I did notice that, at times, they seem to cross a line.  The other adults that were there seemed to feel the same way.

Only time will tell in this case, and of course, I wish this family only the best.

In my family, though, and because of other situations I've observed where befriending kids seemed to be a detriment, I think I'll continue to ensure they my little folks know their boundaries, explore them and learn what's acceptable and what's not NOW, versus later, and then when they're young adults, I'll hope that that friendship I want can be true and deep with them.

Here's another story from a writer for the Occupy Parenthood section of Communities @ Washington Times.  Her article is titled, "Being a Parent Versus Being a Friend."

What do you think of this topic?  Let me know in the comments section here.



Also, find more on this and other parenting topics at Positive Parenting with Purpose, including some good parenting reference material like parenting books, the best parenting books and parenting classes.


Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Parents Teach Children



Parents teach children so incredibly much every day.

Oh, yeah.  If you ask any parent, they'll probably say that they know that.  But I certainly have a hard time remembering that fact when I'm going throughout my day with my children.

For me, what's really important to keep in the back of my mind, is those opportunities to teach without really going through the normal motions of "teaching." What I mean is this:  instructing is one thing, and it clearly has it's place in active parenting.  However, I truly believe that those moments when kids are taught without noticeable instruction -- when they learn through circumstances -- can be the most significant in shaping a child.

I think about my day with my children.  I teach them about a sense of urgency, I teach them how to tie shoes, how to hang a pair of pants, how to groom for the day, how to stack the dishwasher, some school subjects like math and language arts, how to work a baby diaper change, and on and on.  It's the opportunities to learn about character, though, as well as reasoning, that come and go.  And it's what I do, (or don't do, for parents teach children either way) with those opportunities that really matters for me as a parent, and for my children.  I think we all have little opportunities almost every day for teaching children values, respect, integrity, honesty, and other character-building lessons.  Where the rubber meets the road is what we do with them.

Still, life does get in the way.  Busyness takes the lead.  And while I need to extend myself some grace about missed chances to develop character, (or to help them to develop their own) I also need to start my day with some good preparation to capture those the next time.  And capturing them might be as little as being a good parental influence -- demonstrating for them how to handle situations.  They learn SO much just by watching us.

Sound like a bunch of hooha?  Maybe.  But I have a clear understanding about the short time I have as one of the two most influential people in my kiddos' lives.  So, I take it seriously.

What do you think?



Thanks for visiting!


Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Teaching Social Skills within the Family

I heard our minister talk about teaching social skills the other day.  Well, his topic was more about how family members interact, but it had a broader reach, as well.

It was quite interesting, the context that he used to get his message across.  The entire premise was that, aside from teaching personal values, if the adults in the family would just come out of their own world long enough to ask one simple question, it would affect the entire mood of the family, and this ultimately could have a profound effect on how kids socialize.  The question was, "what can I do to help?"

Now, I didn't come up with this, my minister did, but I got to thinking about the implications of this question.  After using it for a while, would the kids in the family start to ask it, too?  Wow.  Now that would be something.

I started to think that one actually goes through some specific exercises when teaching social skills, and teaching children about money, for example.  But teaching them how to find moments of selflessness -- of helpfulness to others -- that's something that they probably learn best by seeing in action. (The same is true with teaching children to pray, and teaching values.)

I started thinking about how often, in the craziness of our schedule, I just want my kids to do this, do that, and then get this or that done before we have to leave to go somewhere.  But how often to I ask them, "what can I do to help?", and how would that change how they approach situations both within our family and outside our family if this question -- and the sentiment behind it -- became a regular part of how we interact? 


For similar topics, come visit my website and check out the pages on "teaching children about manners", "teaching kids about respect", "teaching children the value of money", and "teaching children about diversity".

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Changing a Baby's Diaper - The Odor of Yours Vs Others

For those of you that have to go through the regular changing of a baby's diaper, I am wondering if you experience the same thing that I do.  Please note that today's blog is more based on curiosity than on anything having to do with good parenting, but sometimes I just have to go there.

I have had several kids.  I'm used to changing diapers.  It's old hat by now.  I currently have two that are much older and one that is still a baby and because of that, goes through about 10 diapers a day.  (How such a small thing could be so constantly eliminating heaps of waste, I'll never know.) 

When I notice that my little guy needs a diaper change, it stinks.  That's usually the main sign that the child is dirty, right? I go to change the baby's diaper and there usually is a small little nugget, but it is packed with smell!  Here's the question though:  How come, when I go to change other people's babies, they seem to smell ten times worse?

I have a niece that I love very much.  Even so, when I'm getting her cleaned up and into a fresh diaper, it is totally putrid.  I love her.  I love my own kids.  Why do the others smell so bad?  Is there something about changing a baby's diaper -- a baby that doesn't come directly from you -- that makes it so intolerable?  (At one point, I was beginning to think that it was some weird kind of defense mechanism...)

Any ideas?

Come visit my pages for more serious information about baby diapers, the baby diaper change process, potty training girls and boys, and general potty training signs. Find all of this and more at Positive Parenting with Purpose!

Monday, August 13, 2012

Domestic Discipline Stories

I've been reading a lot of blogs and forums out there recently and, wow!  There are a lot of discussions going on in social media regarding what is the right method to discipline children. There are a lot of thought out there, but little in the way of personal domestic discipline stories. Spanking, time - outs, grounding, taking away privileges, only positive reinforcement -- Which is right and is it partially determined by what you, yourself, went through?

Did you experience mostly positive reinforcement?  Do you have your own corporal punishment stories from when you grew up?  Do you believe that you use old fashioned discipline, or are you trying to use newer ideas when it comes to disciplining kids?

Well, one thing is for certain when it comes to domestic discipline.  People generally have strong opinions one way or another.

My parents rarely spanked me or my brother.  And I can pretty much remember clearly the times that they did, and what I was spanked for.  I have some close friends that claim that they have never raised their voices at their children, and from what I've seen, I believe that.  And their kids are fantastic.  They're respectful, well - behaved, and articulate young adults.

So I'm asking my readers to share their domestic discipline stories... either situations they recall from their own childhood, or situations with their kids.  Come on.  Share.  Share the good, the bad, the ugly.  If you want, do it anonymously.  But I really think it'll be interesting to get some dialogue going on this.

To weigh in specifically on your preferred method of discipline, head over to my site and submit your comments. To do that, click here. Come visit my "parenting discipline" page for more on this topic.  Click here for information on toddler tantrums. 

Want to have a clearer definition for domestic discipline?  Check out what Wiki has to say.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Active Children - Positive Parenting by Keeping Adolescents Busy

I read the title above and wondered, "Hmmm. Wonder how that will hit people when they read it?"

Keeping children "busy" doesn't necessarily sound like good parenting.  But in looking around at children who are nearing the pre-teen or teenage years, I have to believe that children who have an endeavor that they can focus on don't have idle time to spend getting into something ... else.

I have found that kids need help at young ages finding things to focus on.  Most children I've known, including my own, don't focus easily on any one thing for any lengthy period of time.  They might need a little push, (operative word "little.")  Getting them excited about a musical instrument, a past time that has goals like sports or other competitions like spelling, math, or debate for example, can be very healthy.  And it can be healthy in many ways.  I DO have to say that there are ways of going about this that might NOT be good, like pushing kids into things that they really don't like, pushing too hard, etc., but exposing them to some of these activities and encouraging them to focus on being really good at something, is GOOD!

This isn't to say that children don't need some time just to play, but being able to develop focus early on is a good thing.


A close friend of mine that I really respect was talking with a couple of my kids the other day.  He was talking with them about life, and about choices along the way.  One of my kids asked him, "How come you're good at so many things?"  He said to them, "I'm not great at everything, but I made a decision a long time ago that I want to be a collector of things I can do!"  What an interesting way of explaining that.  He went on to say that it opens a lot of doors in life to know how to do things, to understand things, and to be able to relate and talk with others about activities.  He also said that it makes you more interesting.

I want my children to have interests.  I want them to pursue interests.  I want them to be active children.  Heck.  If all parents were to encourage being really involved in constructive activities, (what some might think is part of active parenting), it might just also help a little with our problem with childhood obesity that we face.

What are your thoughts on helping children find endeavors to focus on?  Do you think it should be part of "Positive Parenting with a Plan"? Let us know!  Comment here, or let us know on Positive Parenting with Purpose!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Parenting Talks with Kids

The other day, our minister brought up a point that I thought was really good.  It's something I'd thought about before, but the context he put it in brought his point home really well.

His discussion was about how to reach others when you're talking with them -- how to really make an impact.  The example he used was when he was talking with his son; all parents who have or have had adolescents or teens know how difficult it can sometimes be to reach them.

His story was about how his wife makes dinner for the family every night, and quite often, his son would throw a fit as soon as dinner was served.  (He apparently was a very picky eater, and didn't like the looks of much of what his mother served.)  He'd scowl up his face and make ugly comments about the food before he even tasted it.

The minister went on to say that he found something that was really important to the boy, (his Leggo creations) and the next time the boy came to show his dad his creation, his dad praised him, pointed out all of the great things about what his son had done, and made him feel really good about it, as he usually did when his son showed him what he'd built.  This time, though, he drew a parallel to the boy's mother who spent hours making dinner every night for the family.  He asked his son how HE would feel if, instead of telling the boy all of the great things about his Leggo creation, his father didn't even want to look at it, or didn't say anything nice about it.

The minister continued to tell his audience what happened in the discussion with his son; his son understood what it might be like to have his feelings hurt from insensitive comments.

The point to all of this was this:  facts can teach.  But you can really reach someone when you combine facts with feelings.  The father was able to find something that the boy felt really strongly about, and use that along with some facts, to make his point.

This can be the difference between what seems like "talking at" a son or daughter, and "talking with" them.  It's about talking their language.  It could take a little work, and some planning, but the results might be well worth it.  (And it might save a lot of other work -- and frustration -- that you might face otherwise!

And it's amazing where these kind of reminders might come from!


For more on this and other positive parenting topics, visit Positive Parenting with Purpose.  For specific pages related to this topic, check out Positive Parenting with a Plan, Parenting Talk, Emotional Development, and Parenting Skills.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Teaching Kids an "I Can" Attitude

This is kind of titled incorrectly in a way.  I believe that you can't really teach attitude.  You can talk with your kids about attitude, about how it makes a difference in life in so many ways, but you can't teach it.  It's one of those things that a child -- anyone for that matter -- has to decide about on their own.

Attitude is one of those things that I think somewhat germinates on its own.  It's how someone plants the seeds of their thought that makes the difference in whether our outlook is sunny or cloudy or somewhere in between.  I believe that it all starts with thought.

I was at a training seminar a couple of years ago and was given a poster that says it better than I can.  Here it is:

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words.  Choose your words for they become actions.  Understand your action for it becomes habit.  Study your habits for they create character.  Develop your character for it becomes your destiny."  (Author Unknown.)

So back to the topic, Teaching Kids an "I Can" Attitude.  Since we can't really teach attitude, but we want our children to understand the importance of it and try to maintain a positive outlook, how do we do it?  I believe that one of the best ways is to demonstrate it.  Be the example. (See my site's page on being a good influence as a parent by being a good example.)  Kids learn best not by being told, but by being shown -- through observation.  And as I sit here writing this, I am coming up with a whole bunch of things I can do a better job demonstrating myself!

I'm writing this post today because I think it's so interesting how chance encounters or just specific moments in our lives can really make us think.  I mean, think at a deeper level than our hustle and bustle lives usually allow us to.  It's interesting how the thoughts that come out of these moments can change our entire outlook, hopefully, for good.

I received an e-mail from someone I don't know today.  She's a cancer survivor.  But, that's just a label. (She's also a mother and wife, among, I'm sure, many other noble labels.)  After being introduced to her blog and reading it, I can only believe that she's had an amazing journey --- one of optimism, courage, leadership, and grace.  I don't know Heather, but I was inspired by her blog and want to wish her the best.  If you'd like to read about her journey yourself, click here to read her blog.

She's demonstrated the "I Can" attitude for her daughter.  What better way for a daughter to learn a whole host of fantastic character traits than to see her mother exemplifying them?  So this e-mail I got from Heather today was a reminder for me today about the power of example, especially as it relates to attitude.  I'll be especially aware of it later today with my own family and hope to be a good example for them, not just today, but for the days that follow, too.

Thanks for the reminder, Heather.  Best regards.


For more topics related to this one, check out my site's pages on "Parenting Today" through a Can Do attitude,  and "Teaching Your Children Values". 

Monday, June 11, 2012

Quotes on Parenting

I have a friend who went to a Christian-based parenting seminar the other evening.  She LOVED it.  She said the speaker gave her some great ideas on parenting, but one of the best things she came away from the seminar with was some good parenting quotes.  She said that it's amazing how short little phrases can sometimes just make certain parenting situations so clear.

The phrase that this speaker quoted, which she got the most from was "Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child." 

I've heard this before and even have a coaster that has this quote on it.  But in the particular context of this speaker, she said it really put a nice wrapping and bow on how she often feels when she's parenting.

It got me thinking about other parent quotes.  There are quite a few parenting quotes that encapsulate how different people, some famous, some anonymous, feel about parenting.

For some good ones, see my parenting quotes pages on Positive Parenting with Purpose,  or better yet, send in some that you think are good!  We'd love to see them.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Teaching Kids Respect

I went to a swim meet with my kids the other night.  I worked in the "bull pen," which is the holding area for the different age groups of kids.

Some of the kids were wonderful.  They were excited, but pretty much did what they were supposed to do, went where they were supposed to go when it was time, and listened when they were talked to.  Some weren't as... great to work with.

One child was particularly challenging.  He didn't do as he was asked, he didn't stay in the bull pen, and caused havoc with the adults trying to manage the kids in getting them to their events on time.

I was one of the adults trying to manage these children.  There was one other adult helping.  We tried several times to talk with this child to get him to a place of understanding what was expected of him.  Nothing seemed to work. The other woman who was helping was so frustrated that she threw her hands up and told me that she was giving up in dealing with this one child.

The lady helping me said that he needed to be taught some respect.  She comes from another country and said that her parents would have never tolerated even a small amount of his bad behavior.  I asked what would have happened in her family.  She said that the children would have shown respect to the adults, listened, waiting their turn to speak, and if they didn't, would have been spanked.

Clearly, something needs to happen with this boy.  Some things already should have been happening with him at home.  I don't know his situation at home, but it was obvious that his behavior was a result of what is (or more likely what isn't)  taking place with him at home.

There are a lot of things that came to mind that might be missing for him.  Again, I cannot say without knowing more about his home life.  All I can do is take what lessons I can from trying to work with him that night and apply them with my own family. And, ultimately, our issue, in my opinion, became one with his parents, as they are the ones that are in a position to deal appropriately with him to get him doing what he was supposed to do. 

I'm sure we've all had to deal with unruly children.  At some point, most all of us have been put in a situation where we have to manage others' kids, but of course we cannot discipline them, nor would it do much good to do that; the discipline they get at home (or lack of it) is so different that trying to teach a child in a situation like this can be futile. 

Have any of you been put in a similar position?  If so, what happened?  Let us know.  Either comment below, or write in my parenting forum at:  http://www.positive-parenting-with-purpose.com/parenting-discipline.html.  Read or contribute to other forum posts on my
Positive Parenting Blog.

If this is a topic of interest to you, check out some of my similar pages:  "Parenting Skills"  of Communication, and "Parenting Children" by being a Parent vs a Friend. 

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Spanking vs. Time Outs

This has become a question that gets more and more attention as of late: Is spanking a better way to discipline a child, or is the time - out a better method? Now days, there is a lot of discussion that neither is the BEST method of really changing the behavior of a child in a direction that is best for the child and the family.  Allowing children to experience directly-relational consequences has a lot of merit.  We'll discuss this in a later post.

I was channel surfing the other night when I came across a segment on a show where the parents were discussing how p.c. we've become.  In that context, they went on to talk about how spanking used to be common place; they were saying that now, you really have to watch what you say about spanking to whom.

I have my own thoughts on this topic, but am interested in hearing from YOU!  

How do you feel about spanking? Are time - outs better in the overall movie of a child's life?

To chime in, either add a comment below, or add it to my web page dedicated to this topic.  You can find it on my parenting site, Positive Parenting with Purpose.com.  The specific page for adding your comments is "Disciplining Children", but there's more information on the topic on the page entitled, "Parenting Discipline".

There is also some discussion on this topic on my facebook page, http://www.facebook.com/PositiveParentingWithPurpose.  Come join the conversation!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Are You a Helicopter Parent ... Or Something Else?

I think this term was coined by Jim Fay, co-founder of the The Love and Logic Institute.  Helicopter parent.  According to Mr. Fay, it is a parent who is overprotective.  They hover and are destructive even though they are trying to be protective.

I never have been this type of parent.  Well.  I say "never."  I have.  I've taken my kids' lunch to school when they've forgotten it, and I've sometimes driven their homework packet to school for them when they've left it at home.

According to Mr. Fay, I've missed out on good learning opportunities for them when I've done that.  (I bet if they didn't have lunch for one day when they forgot it, they wouldn't do THAT again, knowing my kids!)  Now, that may sound tough, but sometimes a little tough love parenting is what is needed for them to grow into adults that can one day handle themselves on their own.

I've never been that much of an overprotective parent. What I have been, though, is a parent that gives a lot of directives.  I did that a lot with our first-born, and I'm hoping with our last, I'm doing things a little differently.  With our first-born, I did exhibit some of the authoritarian parenting style, because I wanted so badly for him to be successful, well-mannered, and just a good kid.

What I've learned, and what I've been constantly working on, is giving up a lot of that control to get a child who can hopefully make good decisions, eventually big decisions, on his own.

Want to know more about helicopter parents?  Go to my page on helicopter parent. Want to know more about the person behind the present-day categorizing of parental styles?  Click here to learn more about Diana Baumrind. Interested in the other styles of parenting as defined by Baumrind?  Learn more about all the parenting styles here. Also relevant is my page on poor parenting.

Have some thoughts on this topic? Leave some comments!

Friday, May 11, 2012

Kids Can Make Their Own Fun

I was planning for end-of-school-year activities with the parents of one of my kids the other day.  The parents are responsible for bringing in the food and planning the "party" for the last day of school.

All of the parents want it to be a fun event for their kids.  Some of them want it to be really quite special.  They started talking about the different possibilities of things we could plan for them.  The thing is, it actually means "plan," "organize," and then "put it all together." I listened for a while; some of the parents went a little crazy with their ideas and talked about all of the possibilities around this one theme.

This got me thinking.  Why do parents always seem to feel the need to find activities for their kids?  I've heard parents say, "Well, I have active children." I've also heard, "I don't want bored kids." But what actually happened to letting kids find their own activities?  Children can actually come up with some pretty fantastic ways of entertaining themselves since they don't have the adult filters their parents have. AND, kids learn to be self sufficient with their entertainment!

Back to the class party...While I have no doubt that doing some of what was discussed would be very special, a couple of the ideas would require quite a lot of work by the parents to get the venue set up.  While there's nothing wrong with putting together something really special and putting a lot of work into it, it seemed as though we, as a group of parents, have done that a lot for this class.  After listening for a bit, I finally spoke up and said that I really thought that we could set up the basics of the event, but that these kids can really make their own fun.  A couple of the mothers agreed wholeheartedly.  Some weren't convinced.

Back to what I was saying before... Are we, as a collective of parents, so used to doing and creating for our kids that we don't enable them to learn the skill of making their own fun?  Wow.  If that's the case, we are certainly doing our kids a disservice.

I have friends today that go somewhere, and if unexpected things happen to make the day or evening different than planned, they are completely miserable.  (My husband and I just went somewhere with a couple that seem to have to be entertained.  My husband commented to me at the end of the evening that he was glad we knew how to "make our own fun.")  Is there so much media and just general noise today that people have forgotten how to have fun in the simplest situations, or did they never learn how to do that to begin with?

I'm not sure.  But I do know that the people I like to be around the most know how to have fun in so many different situations.  And that's definitely something I want my kids to know how to do.  What do you think?


For similar topics visit my pages on Positive Parenting with Purpose.com called "Parenting Today", Parental Influence, and "Self Esteem".

Friday, May 4, 2012

Parenting Tips - Installment 1

I've been asked, a lot recently, about some key parenting tips. What are some ways to improve the relationship between the parent and the child?

There are a number of things that come to mind.  Since there are quite a few, I'll cover them in a couple of different blog posts. 

The most general, sort of all-encompassing parenting principle is to:
  • Parent from a place of love. 
What does that mean?  It means to think about what you do, what rules you put into place, and how you talk with your kids and make sure you are coming from a place of love... not a place where you just have to be in control.

  • Parent with integrity.  
Do what you say.  Be the example in this regard.  Every  time a parent says they're going to do something and doesn't, they are not keeping their word to their kids.  That teaches the kids that their parents don't always keep their word, but it also teaches them that keeping your word isn't an important character trait.  

  • Parent with consistency.  
Letting your children know what to expect is a good thing.  They have a clearer understanding about what you think is good and what is not acceptable behavior.  And keep the consequences for unacceptable behavior consistent.

Being consistent also means sharing a plan with your spouse so that you and your spouse are on the same page.  You and your spouse are a team.  Your kids need to see you that way.

My next post will continue with more parenting tips, or parenting principles.  Until then, feel free to check out my Positive Parenting Tips page, or some of the pages specifically related to this post like "Good Parenting through Consistency", "Tough Love Parenting", "Raising Children" by Being the Example, Positive Parenting by Focusing on Your Marriage, and "Personal Values".

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Labeling Your Kids

I was listening to a seminar the other day that discussed the importance that labels make in a child's life.

Parents often label their kids and don't even know that they do it.  I've done it before and not realized it until afterwards.  Heck.  It's very hard not to attach some sort of label to people in general, and parents do it often as a way to describe what their kids do.

I think that labeling would be really difficult to completely eliminate.  And I DON'T think that labeling has to be all bad.  I think that it does matter how things are said by adults to and about kids, especially as it relates to parents.

I've heard parents say, "You are so lazy."  It might seem harmless, but kids can embed this in their memory and make it true because "mommy said it" or "daddy told me I am."  It might be more constructive to empathize with the child and tell them that, when they want to, they can certainly be very productive (or something similar, depending on the age of the child.)  For me, the most important thing is to use language that describes that particular moment only, not how the child IS.  (The child might be lazy in the moment, but does that really make them LAZY? It actually can if that kind of language is used.)

There are times when children may not meet expectations, so it doesn't make sense to use positive language all of the time.  However, it is very important to consider the long-lasting effect that our statements do make to and about our children.  And affirming, present tense language can go a long way in helping a child realize their own potential, not just matching the statements made by others.


For more on positive parenting, please visit my site and add your own thoughts to one of our forum discussions.  The site is Positive Parenting with Purpose.com and the forums can be found at my Positive Parenting Blog.

For pages that relate to this topic or have a similar theme, check out these pages:  Parenting Skills, Emotional Development, Parenting Talk, Parenting Today, Self Esteem, and Grace Based Parenting.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Baby Product Recall

Target has just recalled a bunny sippy cup due to concerns that the decoration could potentially poke a child in the eye.

Click this link for more on this recall or other baby product recalls, and go to my page on "Product Recalls" if you'd like to plug in specific items to see if there have been any product recalls.




Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Comparing Parenting

Do you find yourself comparing yourself to other parents?

Well, I think you should... and you shouldn't.

What? In my opinion, it should be a little of both. Here's how.

You shouldn't strictly compare your situation to others. Everyone has a different dynamic in their family that stems from the number of kids, the involvement of both parents, the age of the kids, the financial situation, the individual personalities of the parents and the kids, etc. But I do believe that it is helpful to look around and see what others are doing, and determine if it works well or not. I just call that a using others' outcomes to adjust (or not) your compass.

I do this all the time. I can't help but look at others, at times, see how they handle situations with their kids, and try to determine the positive or negative effects that their ways might have on their kids and the relationships that they have with them. I think that that's constructive, to a point. I think it's best not to get into making others wrong, but, again, it can be used to help make adjustments in your own compass.

As an example, I saw a mom in the grocery store the other day who had a daughter that seemed to be pushing her buttons. The daughter was doing everything possible to get her mother's attention. The daughter started throwing things that were in the cart. Her mother grabbed the box of cereal that was on the ground, put it back in the cart, took her daughter's hand, paused, and took a deep breath.  It was a few seconds before she got down on eye level with her daughter and spoke quietly with her.

I don't know what happened after that, but I really appreciated the way she took care of her own pressure cooker before dealing with her daughter.  I believe strongly that her daughter will be better off for it, if that's the way her mother handles situations with her.

With me, I think I do well in some circumstances, and not as well in others.  But taking care of my stress level first will be more of a conscious thing for me so that I set myself up for the best interactions with my kids in tense situation.

What are your thoughts?  Visit my comments section, my Facebook page  or on Twitter.  

Also, you might want to check out some of my pages that have topics similar to this post, or have some good off-shoots:  Grace Based Parenting, Good parenting through consistency, Parenting Styles, Parenting Discipline, and Parenting with a Plan.




Friday, April 20, 2012

Teaching Kids the Value of Money

Have you ever notices that some kids' parents give them whatever they want? Boy, I have.

I've noticed that some parents just need to be cajoled, prodded, or incessantly begged for something and their parents -- usually meaning well and wanting to please their kids -- give in and get them what they want.


I'm always amazed by this, that parents can't seem to think ahead to the possible damage that this can cause in the kids' upbringing.

Oh, I realize that almost every parent I know just wants the best for their kids. But "the best" in the short-term isn't often "the best" long-term. I also realize that buying things for your kids isn't always a bad thing, but I look around and see many kids that, to no fault of their own, are spoiled, are not learning the value of money, and are being set up for disappointment later in life when they have to fend for themselves in purchasing what they want.

My kids think we are poor. They think their parents are very frugal. They see my husband and me save for things. We research big-ticket things and weigh our decisions before buying. And then we usually pay cash. I can't help but think that this conservative stance will serve them better in the long run. It does kinda hurt sometimes when, as a parent, I ultimately want my children to be happy and want to help provide them with that happiness.

But I believe that our main role as parents is to teach them to be self-reliant, responsible, and caring adults. Hopefully, teaching them the value of money will eventually lead to more of a peaceful life, too. (Living below your means can help avoid the stress of not having the money to pay for things. Remember, withing marriages, finances is one of the primary factors leading to stress and ultimately discontent and divorce in the US.)

When my kids were able, I'd take them to the store with me and we'd compare the quality of things that we wanted and compare the prices. We'd also compare the amount of the product in the package and make decisions about what to buy based on all of that. My kids first thought I was nuts. Who has time for all of that?

When we took our kids to Disney World, I gave them each some money, as a gift. They could buy whatever they wanted (within reason), but when the money was gone, it was gone. One of my kids wanted a particular sword. He bought it and it cost almost all of the money he was given. Honesty, he had pennies left over. One of my other sons bought something, and brought the rest of the money home. He wanted to "save it for something he really wanted later." I was so proud of him.

I'm sure there are many, many parents out there who have some fantastic life lessons that teach about money. The point it, it's important to teach them how to cope with delayed gratification, and it's important for parents to deal with the discomfort of leaving your kids wanting something in order to benefit them long-term.

Do you have some thoughts on this? Please write in. Send me your comments.

For more, see my pages on teaching children the value of money, and teaching them personal values.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Are You TOO Active with Your Kids?

Seems like a strange title, when just a while ago I wrote a post about active parenting.  This other post was about staying actively involved in your kids' lives.  So now why the turnabout?

I see it often, and I'm involved in it myself:  being too involved with toting the kids here and there, doing their laundry, making their dinner, cleaning up their belongings.  There's nothing wrong with that, per se.  Heck.  That's part of what we're supposed to do.  It's what parents have to do with very young kids.

But there needs to be a balance when kids begin to get a little older.
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I believe strongly that, when kids see that you put them first all of the time, they begin to think of themselves as worthy of being put first all the time!  While a strong self-image is good for their emotional development, healthy emotional development to me is about helping them develop a balanced sense of self-worth --- balanced between themselves and others.  When parents do for their kids all of the time and never take time for themselves -- and never let their kids see you taking time for yourself as a parent -- the kids can easily become self-centered.

It's so easy to become so involved in your kids sports, dance, or other activities that you almost lose yourself; you lose a part of you because you put your own interests on the back burner.  The challenge is to find the balance between doing for your kids, and getting involved in your own endeavors.

I recently realized that I've got an imbalance in my household.  My husband travels so I spend the week keeping my kids organized, clean, and active. When I thought about it, I realized that they don't see me putting aside time for me. I had to institute a little tough love parenting and told my older kids that I realized there wasn't any time for me.  I've started having them help with the laundry and soon I think it will be a great thing to have them doing their own laundry and putting it away.  They have some additional chores around the house that will eventually take more off my plate, while making them realize more responsibility.  We've set aside some time at the end of their evening where they read, and I get some time to myself.  I also take some time on the weekend to do my sports (archery) while they help their dad in the yard. 

This plan might not be your cup of tea.  The point is, realize when you're catering too much to your kids -- when there is a complete imbalance that shouldn't exist, and one that will do a disservice to your kids' later by feeding a self-centered attitude.  Balance it where you can.  Teach them respect by showing them respect, but also by expecting some give with the take.  Have a talk with your kids and have them help you figure out how to get more balanced.  They might just enjoy being involved in the solution, and it can certainly serve them well later on!



For pages that serve the post above, check out my site's page on self - esteem, teaching personal values, the many ways parents teach children,  teaching children about manners, and parenting talk.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Internet Safety for Kids

Do you watch what your kids are doing while they are surfing?

A couple of my kids are fairly young, so I didn't think I needed to.  Boy, was I wrong.  One of my sons' teachers told me that, today, if you're not keeping tabs on what young kids are doing on the internet, someone else (someone on the internet) is teaching them some things you may not want them to learn at their age.

I went to a neighborhood watch meeting a while back.  It was led by the sheriff in our town. He had several internet gurus with him.  The stats that they gave about predators on the net were astounding to me.  The sheriff's department actually has a team of people just dedicated to trying to catch sexual offenders that seek out young people on the internet.

They recommended that, as a parent, you keep the computers that kids might use in a public place in the home so that you can keep an eye on what the kids are looking up.  Also, they recommended that parents talk with their kids about NOT joining chat rooms and social sites that enable them to connect with people they don't know on the internet.  There's no reason why young kids should be "meeting" people online.

They also recommended having conversations with the kids about what information is okay to give out online, and what information is NOT okay to ever give out.

One of the most important things that they recommended is some internet safety software.  There is quite a variety of software programs available today that will provide an extra layer of protection for your kids.  Do research to find one that provides the features that you think are important.

Internet safety with kids is important.  It might be "out of sight, out of mind," but it should be something you're mindful about and, as proactive parents, it is good to be cautious and preventive.

For more on internet safety, see my pages on Child Safety on the Internet, Social Networking Safety, Cyberbullying, and information on how you can look up the sexual offenders list in your area.

Friday, April 13, 2012

What Do You Need When You're Having a Baby?

For some, this phase is long gone -- the days of worrying with what to have on hand when the newborn is brought home.  These folks are now into dance lessons, batting practice, or their kids have grown.

For many who read these posts though, this is a new phase for them.

I have a friend who is expecting her first child. She asked me what she needed to do before her baby got here.  Wow!  What a question!  It sure did bring me back to the overwhelming excitement, joy, worry, and overall anxiety I felt before having my first child.  It is a great time, but one that can often be accompanied by feelings of concern for getting it all right.  (I remember thinking, "Oh, no!  Now I really HAVE to be responsible since someone else will be counting on me with their life!")

After having several kids, I can say that there is no need to worry.  If you're reading this, and if you're making visits to Positive Parenting with Purpose, chances are you are taking steps you need to in order to be as prepared as you can.  (You can never be fully prepared.)

You'll want to have a plan in place to keep your marriage strong, something you definitely want to give some thought to prior to giving birth (see the pages on Positive Marriage, and Positive Parenting, which both deal with keeping your relationship with your spouse strong).  You'll also want to acquire some really good parenting books, and after giving birth, you might want to try to take in some parenting classes.

But what about the "stuff" that you'll need to get before your little one's arrival?

These days, hospitals won't even let you pull out of the hospital drive without having your newborn strapped into an infant car seat. So obviously, you'll need that before you bring the baby home.  You'll also want to acquire all of the feeding accessories you'll need, which will change some depending on whether or not you decide to breastfeed or bottle feed.  (If you're still up in the air about that, you might want to look over the Pros and Cons of Breastfeeding.  I also have a page on just the Benefits of Breastfeeding.)  Anyway, if you decide to breastfeed, you'll want to consider renting or buying a pump, which allows others to feed the baby at times, but also enables you to store some milk in the frig and freezer for a time you might need it.  You'll want to look into getting some breastfeeding clothes, as well as a drape for when you are out somewhere and need to feed the baby.

Otherwise, consider which type of bottles you want to use.  There are SO many kinds, you'll really want to spend some time gathering information to determine the kind that will work best for you.

Obviously, you'll want to stock up on diapers and wipes, although it might be smart not to buy too many diapers prior to bringing Little Bit home because you don't know what size he/she will need until the baby's born.  Have your changing station set up and ready for when you get home, including a changing pad or soft, safe area where you'll be changing the baby's diapers.

You'll need a number of toiletries, such as gas drops, rash cream, bathing soap, a fingernail file, etc.  You'll also want to know where you are putting your baby down to sleep when you bring him/her home.  (Honestly, I had all of mine sleep in the car seat until they were a couple of months old because they seemed to sleep better being slightly upright than being flat.)  Have sheets for their bed and blankets on hand. If you believe in swaddling, you'll want to make sure they're the right size.  Also, my kids slept much better with a music maker in their rooms.

Have the pain reliever drops on hand that are recommended by your baby's doctor.  I always had some in a home cabinet and some in the diaper bag.  (I also have always kept an antihistamine stick handy for insect bites that I'd never see coming.) 

Anyway, those are some of the things that you'll want to have ready for the bub when you bring him/her home.  There are many more things that you could get, and from what I've seen, most first-time moms go bananas buying for their little angel.  But you just need to have the basics on hand and then get what you determine you need after getting used to your new addition.



If you want more information on things you might want to consider having for your newborn, and then items you might want as your baby grows, check out:  Baby Accessories, Child Safety Products, Baby Diapers, Baby Bottles, Pacifiers, Baby Cribs, Infant Bedding, and Baby Monitors.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

What Do You Affirm with Your Child?

Something occurred to me last night when I told one of my boys that I was proud of him:  I haven't said that in a while.

It's not that I haven't said other nice things, but I haven't said that or anything similar to that.

This brought me back to a conversation I had with a friend several years ago; I haven't thought about the conversation since, but something about the words, "I'm proud of you" brought it back like the conversation was yesterday.

My friend had told me about how he had not grown up in a family that used positive words much.  His parents just hadn't thought about it. He told me this because he'd been observing people around him and had been wondering how their self-esteem had been affected by the use of either affirming words or really negative, seemingly destructive ones.

He told me that, when he became a father, he was going to ensure that he used positive words with his kids all the time.

In theory, it's a great idea.  But what often happens is... life gets in the way.  As parents, you get so busy with the schedule, you forget about catching your kids doing something right.  Sometimes it's not even the schedule.  It's that we get wrapped up in doing our job as the instructor.  But what happens when we do that?  We become people who tell, people who are trying to teach the right way to do something.  If this is our main way to communicate, after a while, it just might be that our kids feel that they are always doing things wrong.  At some point, why would they continue to try to do things right?

Well, let's not make it "theory." When you forget those positive affirmations, remind yourself. (I just made a post-it note and put it on my mirror in the bathroom, a place that my kids don't often go, but I go several times a day.  It just reminds me to catch them doing something good, and reminds me to tell them, to show them appreciation for it.)

I believe strongly in the power of positive affirmations, both in the short-term, and the long-term.  It not only makes kids feel good in the moment, but it gives them some lasting positive things that help them along the way.  It teaches them that they can do in a sometimes negative, cynical world.  It reinforces that you notice them, and you respect them (the latter will often help them with returning that respect to elders.)  And it helps them with their emotional development.  Lastly, I believe that it sets the foundation for a friendship that you can develop with your children later on, when you begin to transition from the traditional role of parenting children into that of being more of a friend to your kids.  And, wow. That's definitely something I don't want to miss out on.


Please post your comments to start a conversation within this blog, or visit our on-site forum (which is called the Positive Parenting with Purpose Blog on my site.)  The more conversation the better!  Thanks for visiting.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Product Recalls

So I found out the other day that my youngest child's crib has been recalled.  It was kind of by accident that I found out, and I usually pay close attention to information about baby product recalls!  So this got me thinking about people who don't frequently write a parenting blog and might have recalls even further back in their minds than I do. 

How do others find out about recalls of products that they're using?

A lot of times, it might be on the news, listed on some websites, or might be a topic of discussion by mothers who've taken their kids to a playground.  Other than that, the only really solid way of knowing if a product you are using is still considered to be safe for the general public is to seek out information from the CPSC (if you're in the States.  If you're reading this from another country, find out the governing body that regulates recalls.)

The most recent and most news-worthy recalls are often published on parenting sites.  But there are also a few places you can go to keep up-to-date on a regular basis.  The CPSC has a site that will list all of the most recent recalls.  If you're interested in previewing recalls of items that might be purchased for a baby, you can find their widget detailing recent recalls on my Baby Products Recalls  page.  It's there because it just makes it easier to find out specifics on recalls having to do with products for kids.

If you have a question about a specific item that you've purchased and think that it might have been recalled, you can visit my general page on product recalls.  Here, you can enter the specific product in question to have the widget do a search on recalls for you.  It's a handy tool if you aren't interested in scrolling through other recalls to possibly find the one that you are interested in.

Keeping children safe is just one of the many responsibilities of parents these days.  Keeping apprised of product recalls is just one of the ways to stay armed with information to make the best decisions possible for your kids.

Visit us at Positive Parenting with Purpose for more on child safety, which includes info on such things as car safety (and more on the infant car seat), child poisoning, the internet safety for kids, (including info on things like the sexual offenders list), sun safety for kids, and some general information on child safety products to consider.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Baby Bottles

I visited some friends the other day, and several of them have babies of different ages.  I looked around at all of the different baby bottles that were being used by this small group.

That's the beauty of living today.  There are so many choices... for everything.  Bottles are no exception.

When I had each of my children, I remember going to the baby stores to look at all of the bottles.  I wanted to make the best decision I could on what bottles to use, and every time I had a child, I figured that there might be some new, better bottles now available.

I remember seeing the stores shelves just lined with an array of choices.  There were short, fat bottles, there were tall skinny ones, some had air vents to release the vacuum in the bottle to keep the baby from swallowing air.  There were bottles with all sorts of gizmos, contraptions, and different features to supposedly help prevent colic.  (Did any of your kids have colic?  Mine did!  You definitely want to find what works to make your baby happy when you think he/she has colic!)

Most of the bottles I saw when I was looking were plastic.  There were very few, if any, glass bottles.  I guess the manufacturers figured that people wanted the unbreakable plastic versus the glass bottles which, if dropped, could shatter.

But today, the microwave is such a part of how we warm foods, and most of the ladies I know with babies, warm their babies' milk in the microwave.  Do they put the plastic bottles in the microwave? I hope not, but guess that many do.

Today, you can read many, many articles about the potential hazards of warming any foods in plastic containers.  While I do see conflicting opinions in the things I've read put out there by scientists, there seems to be a general growing concern about the seeping of chemicals from the plastics into the food.  BPA is one of the compounds commonly used in plastics.

While there is research pointing the the positives for its use, there are also a lot of concerns about it.  For now, I avoid it.  I look for containers or inserts that say "BPA-free." I also try to use glass.  It is actually quite easy to use glass bottles because they are dishwasher safe.  You can use a bottle warmer (which are also sold in baby stores) to warm bottles to the correct temperature versus the microwave; warming glass bottles filled with milk isn't the best idea, at least for me.  The milk varies in temperature, even within the same glass container.  If I warm in the microwave, I make sure it IS in glass, and I make sure to always stir and check the temperature before giving it to a baby.

If you're looking for baby bottles today, consider all of your options.  Do what works for you.  If you need convenience, realize there are still quite a few options available that provide convenience, but might be considered safer through your use than other options.


Visit Positive Parenting with Purpose for general positive parenting tips.  Also, check out the pages on baby equipment, diapers, baby carriers, cribs, and baby monitors.  There are many other pages, as well, that talk about various baby supplies.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

An Observation

Last night, I went to another child's practice.  It was a 2-hour thing, so I took my other children, one of whom has just turned 1.

There was a father there who made eyes at this baby for quite some time.  He played peek-a-boo and other games with him, and had him thoroughly entertained... for a while.  Then the baby decided he didn't want to sit on my lap any more.  He wanted to be down, exploring.

He started fussing, and the father who'd been playing with him, offered to hold him.  I gladly accepted.  This father must have played with my baby for an hour and a half!  He got down on the baby's level and really played.  I don't mean like a parent sort of plays with someone else's child.  I mean like a buddy plays with a friend (if you can say that at a 1-year old's age!)  He had him crawling around, picking the clover, crawling to the fence, checking out the other kids, playing with the keys.  They did, went, saw, crawled, sat, clapped, "talked" and laughed. They covered some territory.

I remember sitting there and thinking how grateful I was to have someone so into having fun with my child.  And I was grateful to have a moment to just be by myself for a bit, which doesn't happen much in my household.

I also remember thinking about some people that I know.  They have several kids.  The mom and dad both work.  And I never see the parents really interact with their kids.  Oh, they do things for and with them.  But there's not much actual interaction between the parents and the kids.  The go from here to there together, but the parents are always chatting with other adults, to the point that they don't really even watch their kids when other adults are around.  Now I don't know this, but it's almost like they truly love their kids, but don't really want to spend any of their time connecting with them.

I looked back at this father who was playing with my baby.  Now he obviously loves kids, and he really knows how to interact -- to really connect -- with at least 1 that I know of!

But I also know that he's an excellent father to his own kids.  He's fun, he smiles a lot, but serious when he has to be, he takes things as they come, and he doesn't let the little things bother him.  (He didn't have a bit of concern that his work slacks were incredibly dirty; it was all part of the way it was supposed to be.)

What a great example he is to other parents, and probably even more importantly, to his own kids.  (What do you think the odds are that his kids will end up adopting some of the ways that they've seen from their own father when it's their turn?)


To read more or become part of our parenting forum, please visit us at Positive-Parenting-with-Purpose.com.  Here, you'll find more on active parenting, how focusing on a positive marriage is crucial when trying to be a positive influence, the power of teaching children positive thinking when parenting today, and many many more positive parenting tips!

And come share your thoughts on the on-site forum!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Sun Safety for Kids

Today one of my boys had a baseball game.  It started at 10:00 a.m. and it's only mid March, so I didn't think about putting on sunscreen.

When I think about the fact that I'm headed to the dermatologist to have a skin check in a couple of weeks, I think that my kids are really relying on me, as their parent, to protect their skin when they're too young and too carefree to think about doing it themselves.

The sun was a little fierce today at the ball park. Next game, I'll do a better job of making sure my child is lathered up with sunscreen prior to heading out.

After doing a fair amount of research, I've come to know that it DOES matter what quality of sunscreen you use.  It makes a huge difference if you research and find the best sunscreen, based on sunscreen ratings, but also based on the type of barrier used (i.e., what type of chemicals are used to provide the protection, etc.), the viscosity of it and/or the length of time it will actually stay on the skin.  Of course, if it's dermatologist recommended should also be a consideration.

Aside from sunscreen, there are many types of spf clothing that can also provide some extra sun protection, including an spf shirt.  Now days, some spf clothing has become quite trendy.  Because of this, there is a huge array of styles of different types of swim shirts, casual wear shirts, swim suits, and sun suits available.  Check them out!  They can help protect the skin of your children (and can do it without them even knowing!)


For more information about sun protection, see my page on sun safety for kids.  You can also find some info on the five signs of skin cancer, some information on kids swimwear, beach hats, and also baby sun hats.  Come visit!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

A New Day

Today was a new day.  Not perfect, but much better than yesterday.  There was some give and take where it mattered to give and take, and the boundaries were set where they needed to be. 

Always striving to be a grace-based parent. 




For more on parenting with purpose in a positive way, please visit my site at Positive Parenting with Purpose.  Click on the tab to Grace Based Parenting for more on finding the grace behind those who do this job really well!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I Found Myself in an Authoritarian Style of Parenting Today

I like to think that I use an authoritative style of parenting.  This parenting style provides boundaries, but gets the child involved in some of the decision making and also the consequences of the decisions.  Those who use the authoritative parenting style show their kids that they are valued through their interactions.

But I found myself in authoritarian parenting mode today.  I was barking orders at my kids and then just found myself frustrated with them.  I was definitely "talking at" them instead of with them.

It wasn't a good day.

Fortunately, I can do something about that.

I believe in active parenting, part of which means to evaluate my interactions with my kids similarly to what I might do with my friends or business associates and then make adjustments if I need to.

I'll do better tomorrow.  I'll be more open to listening, talking with them, and try to have more patience than I did today.  Mostly, I'll remember that they're little adults in the making, and be more flexible with them as it relates to the boundaries that don't need to be so firm.

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If you'd like to get more tips and join a discussion with other parents, come see my site, Positive Parenting with Purpose, and visit these pages for more specifics on: the types of parenting styles, active parenting, parenting talk, and parenting stress.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Baby Cribs - Only Fixed Sided Cribs Legal in the US

After dozens of deaths and numerous recalls over the past 10 + years due to drop-sided cribs, the Consumer Products Safety Commission has banned the manufacturing, the use and the resale these cribs in the US. 

You may have seen these baby cribs before.  You may even have one.  They have one side that with a lever of some sort, can be dropped down to make it easier for the parents to get the child. 

Babies can get stuck in between the side, which could have moved slightly, and the mattress, causing suffocation. 

What's allowed now?  Only cribs that have fixed sides, without moveable parts as the frame.  The ban took place midway through 2011.

For more on what features to look for when purchasing a crib for your baby, check out my website page on baby cribs.


Positive parenting with Purpose is all about parenting with plan.  It's for all of those who are actively parenting with a positive outcome in mind.  Come join our discussions and add your 2 cents in our on-site blog!  

Monday, March 19, 2012

To Breastfeed or Not to Breastfeed?

I've talked to what seems like countless people about breastfeeding -- the benefits, the potential issues a new mother can encounter, etc. 

Let me just say, opinions vary on this topic.  Boy! Do they vary! And people are passionate about the decision that they make, after they make it.  It's actually trying to make the decision when the time comes that can be really tough. 

When a new to-be mother is discussing this at 8 or 9 months pregnant, here are some of the benefits to breastfeeding that she'll hear about:
  • The milk from the mother has the best possible formulation for the health and easy digestion of her infant
  • The milk is always at the right temperature
  • It has all of the necessary antibodies needed for the baby
  • Because the formulation is right for the child, there is less waste
  • Mother nature provides supply based on need (at least that's how it's supposed to work); the more the infant takes, the more the mother then produces.
  • It's always available.  No worrying about forgetting bottles, formula, etc.
  • It can help the mother lose her weight!
Now, this list isn't all-inclusive.  The lactation specialists can add a lot to this list of benefits.  But even though this list sounds really good, there are others that passionate about draw-backs.  Some of these that they might list include:

  • Initially, it can make the mother very sore and can be painful, especially if there is trouble getting the infant to latch on properly
  • Some ladies report continual leaking, which requires special bra padding to absorb and hide
  • There can be trouble getting the baby to figure out the right latch
  • It's difficult to know how much the baby is getting to drink
  • The infant tends to eat breast milk more often so frequency of feeding can be more
  • The mother needs to track which side the child ate from to keep milk production as even as possible
  • It can sometimes be difficult to find what the mom thinks is an appropriate place to feed when the child is hungry
  • If milk isn't cycled through like it should be, mastitis can occur.  This is painful and usually needs the help from a doctor to oversee recovery
  • Breastfeeding is harder to have others help with.  (You can pump and save it for others to use.)
Again, this list isn't all-inclusive and I'm sure people who are on the side of bottle feeding could add some.

As I said at the beginning, this can be a contentious topic.  But here's my perspective:

If you are able to make breastfeeding work, do it.  It is best for the baby, and I find arguments that say otherwise without merit.  The mother's milk is best, period.  BUT, if breastfeeding is tried, if there is substantial pain and then frustration (during a time where the new mother is already exhausted -- tired, recovering physically, emotionally and adjusting to a new helpless creature that she's caring for), then we are fortunate that we live in a time where there is an alternative for the new mother, one other than a milk maid!!

It's important for the mom and the baby to bond, for the baby to feel the love from the mother and for the the mother to have the bandwidth to be able to give it! If breastfeeding gets to a point where it is causing the mother frustration or pain to the point where she becomes resentful, the baby can sense that.  She needs to do what she's supposed to do as a mother ... make decisions based on what is best for the child (and her and the rest of the family) based on all of the factors. 

Look at it like this:  making a decision about whether or not this works for the mother, baby and family is the first of MANY decisions like this she'll have to make while this child develops into an adult!


See Positive Parenting with Purpose for more answers to breastfeeding questions, the pros and cons of breastfeeding, information on foods to avoid while breastfeeding, and some guidance on breastfeeding clothes.  While you're there, add your own comments to my site blog!  Let everyone benefit from your own experiences!