What Do You Affirm with Your Child?

Something occurred to me last night when I told one of my boys that I was proud of him:  I haven't said that in a while.

It's not that I haven't said other nice things, but I haven't said that or anything similar to that.

This brought me back to a conversation I had with a friend several years ago; I haven't thought about the conversation since, but something about the words, "I'm proud of you" brought it back like the conversation was yesterday.

My friend had told me about how he had not grown up in a family that used positive words much.  His parents just hadn't thought about it. He told me this because he'd been observing people around him and had been wondering how their self-esteem had been affected by the use of either affirming words or really negative, seemingly destructive ones.

He told me that, when he became a father, he was going to ensure that he used positive words with his kids all the time.

In theory, it's a great idea.  But what often happens is... life gets in the way.  As parents, you get so busy with the schedule, you forget about catching your kids doing something right.  Sometimes it's not even the schedule.  It's that we get wrapped up in doing our job as the instructor.  But what happens when we do that?  We become people who tell, people who are trying to teach the right way to do something.  If this is our main way to communicate, after a while, it just might be that our kids feel that they are always doing things wrong.  At some point, why would they continue to try to do things right?

Well, let's not make it "theory." When you forget those positive affirmations, remind yourself. (I just made a post-it note and put it on my mirror in the bathroom, a place that my kids don't often go, but I go several times a day.  It just reminds me to catch them doing something good, and reminds me to tell them, to show them appreciation for it.)

I believe strongly in the power of positive affirmations, both in the short-term, and the long-term.  It not only makes kids feel good in the moment, but it gives them some lasting positive things that help them along the way.  It teaches them that they can do in a sometimes negative, cynical world.  It reinforces that you notice them, and you respect them (the latter will often help them with returning that respect to elders.)  And it helps them with their emotional development.  Lastly, I believe that it sets the foundation for a friendship that you can develop with your children later on, when you begin to transition from the traditional role of parenting children into that of being more of a friend to your kids.  And, wow. That's definitely something I don't want to miss out on.


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