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Monday, November 5, 2012

Parenting Children by Being a Parent Not a Friend

Most anybody parenting children would probably say that they really want their kids to like them.  As a matter of fact, I don't know anyone in my friendship circle that doesn't really want their kids to like them. But I do think that there is a fine line between wanting your kids to like you and going too far to become friends with them when what they need is parents.

This is a tough one for me.  I really do want my kids to think that I'm a cool parent; I want them to like me and I want them to want to bring their friends around and not be embarrassed by their mom.  But I guess what I want more, is for them to respect me, and ultimately grow up being respectful, well - adjusted young adults that can understand and appreciate boundaries (relational, societal, etc.)

Now I'm not saying I believe that parents shouldn't be close with their kids.  It's just the opposite, and ultimately, parents having a responsible friendship with their kids is great.  The key, though, is still being a responsible adult with them.  This isn't demonstrated when parents want their kids to like them to the point that they don't help their children.  Being a parent first means being consistent with what you say and do, not rewarding bad behavior because you don't want to create a rift, and not making unpopular decisions because of concern for the kids' reactions.

I found a great article that goes into some other points about this important distinction.  It's called "Your Child is not Your 'Friend'."

I believe responsibly parenting children means knowing at what stage in their development the parents can begin to back away from being just a parent into more of a friendship role.

I have some very close friends who came over this past weekend.  Actually, I am close friends with the father and my kids are very close with his kids.  (He joined all of those that consider themselves one parent families a couple of years ago.  And he's not a single parent with an ex who sometimes helps out; the mother of his children is not in the picture at all.)

He adores his kids.  One of the primary ways that he shows this is by being such a great friend to his children.  And while I absolutely love his kids, I do wonder if their somewhat flippant attitude (that is sometimes really cute), will hurt them in the long run.  They tend to want to befriend adults -- verbally sparring and teasing.

This might be a huge help for them in life because they don't seem fearful of interacting with those older than they are.   But I did notice that, at times, they seem to cross a line.  The other adults that were there seemed to feel the same way.

Only time will tell in this case, and of course, I wish this family only the best.

In my family, though, and because of other situations I've observed where befriending kids seemed to be a detriment, I think I'll continue to ensure they my little folks know their boundaries, explore them and learn what's acceptable and what's not NOW, versus later, and then when they're young adults, I'll hope that that friendship I want can be true and deep with them.

Here's another story from a writer for the Occupy Parenthood section of Communities @ Washington Times.  Her article is titled, "Being a Parent Versus Being a Friend."

What do you think of this topic?  Let me know in the comments section here.



Also, find more on this and other parenting topics at Positive Parenting with Purpose, including some good parenting reference material like parenting books, the best parenting books and parenting classes.


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