Parents Teach Children

Parents teach children so incredibly much every day.

Oh, yeah.  If you ask any parent, they'll probably say that they know that.  But I certainly have a hard time remembering that fact when I'm going throughout my day with my children.

For me, what's really important to keep in the back of my mind, is those opportunities to teach without really going through the normal motions of "teaching." What I mean is this:  instructing is one thing, and it clearly has it's place in active parenting.  However, I truly believe that those moments when kids are taught without noticeable instruction -- when they learn through circumstances -- can be the most significant in shaping a child.

I think about my day with my children.  I teach them about a sense of urgency, I teach them how to tie shoes, how to hang a pair of pants, how to groom for the day, how to stack the dishwasher, some school subjects like math and language arts, how to work a baby diaper change, and on and on.  It's the opportunities to learn about character, though, as well as reasoning, that come and go.  And it's what I do, (or don't do, for parents teach children either way) with those opportunities that really matters for me as a parent, and for my children.  I think we all have little opportunities almost every day for teaching children values, respect, integrity, honesty, and other character-building lessons.  Where the rubber meets the road is what we do with them.

Still, life does get in the way.  Busyness takes the lead.  And while I need to extend myself some grace about missed chances to develop character, (or to help them to develop their own) I also need to start my day with some good preparation to capture those the next time.  And capturing them might be as little as being a good parental influence -- demonstrating for them how to handle situations.  They learn SO much just by watching us.

Sound like a bunch of hooha?  Maybe.  But I have a clear understanding about the short time I have as one of the two most influential people in my kiddos' lives.  So, I take it seriously.

What do you think?



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Kids Can Make Their Own Fun

I was planning for end-of-school-year activities with the parents of one of my kids the other day.  The parents are responsible for bringing in the food and planning the "party" for the last day of school.

All of the parents want it to be a fun event for their kids.  Some of them want it to be really quite special.  They started talking about the different possibilities of things we could plan for them.  The thing is, it actually means "plan," "organize," and then "put it all together." I listened for a while; some of the parents went a little crazy with their ideas and talked about all of the possibilities around this one theme.

This got me thinking.  Why do parents always seem to feel the need to find activities for their kids?  I've heard parents say, "Well, I have active children." I've also heard, "I don't want bored kids." But what actually happened to letting kids find their own activities?  Children can actually come up with some pretty fantastic ways of entertaining themselves since they don't have the adult filters their parents have. AND, kids learn to be self sufficient with their entertainment!

Back to the class party...While I have no doubt that doing some of what was discussed would be very special, a couple of the ideas would require quite a lot of work by the parents to get the venue set up.  While there's nothing wrong with putting together something really special and putting a lot of work into it, it seemed as though we, as a group of parents, have done that a lot for this class.  After listening for a bit, I finally spoke up and said that I really thought that we could set up the basics of the event, but that these kids can really make their own fun.  A couple of the mothers agreed wholeheartedly.  Some weren't convinced.

Back to what I was saying before... Are we, as a collective of parents, so used to doing and creating for our kids that we don't enable them to learn the skill of making their own fun?  Wow.  If that's the case, we are certainly doing our kids a disservice.

I have friends today that go somewhere, and if unexpected things happen to make the day or evening different than planned, they are completely miserable.  (My husband and I just went somewhere with a couple that seem to have to be entertained.  My husband commented to me at the end of the evening that he was glad we knew how to "make our own fun.")  Is there so much media and just general noise today that people have forgotten how to have fun in the simplest situations, or did they never learn how to do that to begin with?

I'm not sure.  But I do know that the people I like to be around the most know how to have fun in so many different situations.  And that's definitely something I want my kids to know how to do.  What do you think?


For similar topics visit my pages on Positive Parenting with Purpose.com called "Parenting Today", Parental Influence, and "Self Esteem".