Parents Teach Children

Parents teach children so incredibly much every day.

Oh, yeah.  If you ask any parent, they'll probably say that they know that.  But I certainly have a hard time remembering that fact when I'm going throughout my day with my children.

For me, what's really important to keep in the back of my mind, is those opportunities to teach without really going through the normal motions of "teaching." What I mean is this:  instructing is one thing, and it clearly has it's place in active parenting.  However, I truly believe that those moments when kids are taught without noticeable instruction -- when they learn through circumstances -- can be the most significant in shaping a child.

I think about my day with my children.  I teach them about a sense of urgency, I teach them how to tie shoes, how to hang a pair of pants, how to groom for the day, how to stack the dishwasher, some school subjects like math and language arts, how to work a baby diaper change, and on and on.  It's the opportunities to learn about character, though, as well as reasoning, that come and go.  And it's what I do, (or don't do, for parents teach children either way) with those opportunities that really matters for me as a parent, and for my children.  I think we all have little opportunities almost every day for teaching children values, respect, integrity, honesty, and other character-building lessons.  Where the rubber meets the road is what we do with them.

Still, life does get in the way.  Busyness takes the lead.  And while I need to extend myself some grace about missed chances to develop character, (or to help them to develop their own) I also need to start my day with some good preparation to capture those the next time.  And capturing them might be as little as being a good parental influence -- demonstrating for them how to handle situations.  They learn SO much just by watching us.

Sound like a bunch of hooha?  Maybe.  But I have a clear understanding about the short time I have as one of the two most influential people in my kiddos' lives.  So, I take it seriously.

What do you think?



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Teaching Kids Respect

I went to a swim meet with my kids the other night.  I worked in the "bull pen," which is the holding area for the different age groups of kids.

Some of the kids were wonderful.  They were excited, but pretty much did what they were supposed to do, went where they were supposed to go when it was time, and listened when they were talked to.  Some weren't as... great to work with.

One child was particularly challenging.  He didn't do as he was asked, he didn't stay in the bull pen, and caused havoc with the adults trying to manage the kids in getting them to their events on time.

I was one of the adults trying to manage these children.  There was one other adult helping.  We tried several times to talk with this child to get him to a place of understanding what was expected of him.  Nothing seemed to work. The other woman who was helping was so frustrated that she threw her hands up and told me that she was giving up in dealing with this one child.

The lady helping me said that he needed to be taught some respect.  She comes from another country and said that her parents would have never tolerated even a small amount of his bad behavior.  I asked what would have happened in her family.  She said that the children would have shown respect to the adults, listened, waiting their turn to speak, and if they didn't, would have been spanked.

Clearly, something needs to happen with this boy.  Some things already should have been happening with him at home.  I don't know his situation at home, but it was obvious that his behavior was a result of what is (or more likely what isn't)  taking place with him at home.

There are a lot of things that came to mind that might be missing for him.  Again, I cannot say without knowing more about his home life.  All I can do is take what lessons I can from trying to work with him that night and apply them with my own family. And, ultimately, our issue, in my opinion, became one with his parents, as they are the ones that are in a position to deal appropriately with him to get him doing what he was supposed to do. 

I'm sure we've all had to deal with unruly children.  At some point, most all of us have been put in a situation where we have to manage others' kids, but of course we cannot discipline them, nor would it do much good to do that; the discipline they get at home (or lack of it) is so different that trying to teach a child in a situation like this can be futile. 

Have any of you been put in a similar position?  If so, what happened?  Let us know.  Either comment below, or write in my parenting forum at:  http://www.positive-parenting-with-purpose.com/parenting-discipline.html.  Read or contribute to other forum posts on my
Positive Parenting Blog.

If this is a topic of interest to you, check out some of my similar pages:  "Parenting Skills"  of Communication, and "Parenting Children" by being a Parent vs a Friend. 

Baby Product Recall

Target has just recalled a bunny sippy cup due to concerns that the decoration could potentially poke a child in the eye.

Click this link for more on this recall or other baby product recalls, and go to my page on "Product Recalls" if you'd like to plug in specific items to see if there have been any product recalls.

Are You TOO Active with Your Kids?

Seems like a strange title, when just a while ago I wrote a post about active parenting.  This other post was about staying actively involved in your kids' lives.  So now why the turnabout?

I see it often, and I'm involved in it myself:  being too involved with toting the kids here and there, doing their laundry, making their dinner, cleaning up their belongings.  There's nothing wrong with that, per se.  Heck.  That's part of what we're supposed to do.  It's what parents have to do with very young kids.

But there needs to be a balance when kids begin to get a little older.
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I believe strongly that, when kids see that you put them first all of the time, they begin to think of themselves as worthy of being put first all the time!  While a strong self-image is good for their emotional development, healthy emotional development to me is about helping them develop a balanced sense of self-worth --- balanced between themselves and others.  When parents do for their kids all of the time and never take time for themselves -- and never let their kids see you taking time for yourself as a parent -- the kids can easily become self-centered.

It's so easy to become so involved in your kids sports, dance, or other activities that you almost lose yourself; you lose a part of you because you put your own interests on the back burner.  The challenge is to find the balance between doing for your kids, and getting involved in your own endeavors.

I recently realized that I've got an imbalance in my household.  My husband travels so I spend the week keeping my kids organized, clean, and active. When I thought about it, I realized that they don't see me putting aside time for me. I had to institute a little tough love parenting and told my older kids that I realized there wasn't any time for me.  I've started having them help with the laundry and soon I think it will be a great thing to have them doing their own laundry and putting it away.  They have some additional chores around the house that will eventually take more off my plate, while making them realize more responsibility.  We've set aside some time at the end of their evening where they read, and I get some time to myself.  I also take some time on the weekend to do my sports (archery) while they help their dad in the yard. 

This plan might not be your cup of tea.  The point is, realize when you're catering too much to your kids -- when there is a complete imbalance that shouldn't exist, and one that will do a disservice to your kids' later by feeding a self-centered attitude.  Balance it where you can.  Teach them respect by showing them respect, but also by expecting some give with the take.  Have a talk with your kids and have them help you figure out how to get more balanced.  They might just enjoy being involved in the solution, and it can certainly serve them well later on!



For pages that serve the post above, check out my site's page on self - esteem, teaching personal values, the many ways parents teach children,  teaching children about manners, and parenting talk.