Are You TOO Active with Your Kids?

Seems like a strange title, when just a while ago I wrote a post about active parenting.  This other post was about staying actively involved in your kids' lives.  So now why the turnabout?

I see it often, and I'm involved in it myself:  being too involved with toting the kids here and there, doing their laundry, making their dinner, cleaning up their belongings.  There's nothing wrong with that, per se.  Heck.  That's part of what we're supposed to do.  It's what parents have to do with very young kids.

But there needs to be a balance when kids begin to get a little older.
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I believe strongly that, when kids see that you put them first all of the time, they begin to think of themselves as worthy of being put first all the time!  While a strong self-image is good for their emotional development, healthy emotional development to me is about helping them develop a balanced sense of self-worth --- balanced between themselves and others.  When parents do for their kids all of the time and never take time for themselves -- and never let their kids see you taking time for yourself as a parent -- the kids can easily become self-centered.

It's so easy to become so involved in your kids sports, dance, or other activities that you almost lose yourself; you lose a part of you because you put your own interests on the back burner.  The challenge is to find the balance between doing for your kids, and getting involved in your own endeavors.

I recently realized that I've got an imbalance in my household.  My husband travels so I spend the week keeping my kids organized, clean, and active. When I thought about it, I realized that they don't see me putting aside time for me. I had to institute a little tough love parenting and told my older kids that I realized there wasn't any time for me.  I've started having them help with the laundry and soon I think it will be a great thing to have them doing their own laundry and putting it away.  They have some additional chores around the house that will eventually take more off my plate, while making them realize more responsibility.  We've set aside some time at the end of their evening where they read, and I get some time to myself.  I also take some time on the weekend to do my sports (archery) while they help their dad in the yard. 

This plan might not be your cup of tea.  The point is, realize when you're catering too much to your kids -- when there is a complete imbalance that shouldn't exist, and one that will do a disservice to your kids' later by feeding a self-centered attitude.  Balance it where you can.  Teach them respect by showing them respect, but also by expecting some give with the take.  Have a talk with your kids and have them help you figure out how to get more balanced.  They might just enjoy being involved in the solution, and it can certainly serve them well later on!



For pages that serve the post above, check out my site's page on self - esteem, teaching personal values, the many ways parents teach children,  teaching children about manners, and parenting talk.