Labeling Your Kids

I was listening to a seminar the other day that discussed the importance that labels make in a child's life.

Parents often label their kids and don't even know that they do it.  I've done it before and not realized it until afterwards.  Heck.  It's very hard not to attach some sort of label to people in general, and parents do it often as a way to describe what their kids do.

I think that labeling would be really difficult to completely eliminate.  And I DON'T think that labeling has to be all bad.  I think that it does matter how things are said by adults to and about kids, especially as it relates to parents.

I've heard parents say, "You are so lazy."  It might seem harmless, but kids can embed this in their memory and make it true because "mommy said it" or "daddy told me I am."  It might be more constructive to empathize with the child and tell them that, when they want to, they can certainly be very productive (or something similar, depending on the age of the child.)  For me, the most important thing is to use language that describes that particular moment only, not how the child IS.  (The child might be lazy in the moment, but does that really make them LAZY? It actually can if that kind of language is used.)

There are times when children may not meet expectations, so it doesn't make sense to use positive language all of the time.  However, it is very important to consider the long-lasting effect that our statements do make to and about our children.  And affirming, present tense language can go a long way in helping a child realize their own potential, not just matching the statements made by others.


For more on positive parenting, please visit my site and add your own thoughts to one of our forum discussions.  The site is Positive Parenting with Purpose.com and the forums can be found at my Positive Parenting Blog.

For pages that relate to this topic or have a similar theme, check out these pages:  Parenting Skills, Emotional Development, Parenting Talk, Parenting Today, Self Esteem, and Grace Based Parenting.