Teaching Social Skills within the Family

I heard our minister talk about teaching social skills the other day.  Well, his topic was more about how family members interact, but it had a broader reach, as well.

It was quite interesting, the context that he used to get his message across.  The entire premise was that, aside from teaching personal values, if the adults in the family would just come out of their own world long enough to ask one simple question, it would affect the entire mood of the family, and this ultimately could have a profound effect on how kids socialize.  The question was, "what can I do to help?"

Now, I didn't come up with this, my minister did, but I got to thinking about the implications of this question.  After using it for a while, would the kids in the family start to ask it, too?  Wow.  Now that would be something.

I started to think that one actually goes through some specific exercises when teaching social skills, and teaching children about money, for example.  But teaching them how to find moments of selflessness -- of helpfulness to others -- that's something that they probably learn best by seeing in action. (The same is true with teaching children to pray, and teaching values.)

I started thinking about how often, in the craziness of our schedule, I just want my kids to do this, do that, and then get this or that done before we have to leave to go somewhere.  But how often to I ask them, "what can I do to help?", and how would that change how they approach situations both within our family and outside our family if this question -- and the sentiment behind it -- became a regular part of how we interact? 


For similar topics, come visit my website and check out the pages on "teaching children about manners", "teaching kids about respect", "teaching children the value of money", and "teaching children about diversity".

Teaching Kids the Value of Money

Have you ever notices that some kids' parents give them whatever they want? Boy, I have.

I've noticed that some parents just need to be cajoled, prodded, or incessantly begged for something and their parents -- usually meaning well and wanting to please their kids -- give in and get them what they want.

I'm always amazed by this, that parents can't seem to think ahead to the possible damage that this can cause in the kids' upbringing.

Oh, I realize that almost every parent I know just wants the best for their kids. But "the best" in the short-term isn't often "the best" long-term. I also realize that buying things for your kids isn't always a bad thing, but I look around and see many kids that, to no fault of their own, are spoiled, are not learning the value of money, and are being set up for disappointment later in life when they have to fend for themselves in purchasing what they want.

My kids think we are poor. They think their parents are very frugal. They see my husband and me save for things. We research big-ticket things and weigh our decisions before buying. And then we usually pay cash. I can't help but think that this conservative stance will serve them better in the long run. It does kinda hurt sometimes when, as a parent, I ultimately want my children to be happy and want to help provide them with that happiness.

But I believe that our main role as parents is to teach them to be self-reliant, responsible, and caring adults. Hopefully, teaching them the value of money will eventually lead to more of a peaceful life, too. (Living below your means can help avoid the stress of not having the money to pay for things. Remember, withing marriages, finances is one of the primary factors leading to stress and ultimately discontent and divorce in the US.)

When my kids were able, I'd take them to the store with me and we'd compare the quality of things that we wanted and compare the prices. We'd also compare the amount of the product in the package and make decisions about what to buy based on all of that. My kids first thought I was nuts. Who has time for all of that?

When we took our kids to Disney World, I gave them each some money, as a gift. They could buy whatever they wanted (within reason), but when the money was gone, it was gone. One of my kids wanted a particular sword. He bought it and it cost almost all of the money he was given. Honesty, he had pennies left over. One of my other sons bought something, and brought the rest of the money home. He wanted to "save it for something he really wanted later." I was so proud of him.

I'm sure there are many, many parents out there who have some fantastic life lessons that teach about money. The point it, it's important to teach them how to cope with delayed gratification, and it's important for parents to deal with the discomfort of leaving your kids wanting something in order to benefit them long-term.

Do you have some thoughts on this? Please write in. Send me your comments.

For more, see my pages on teaching children the value of money, and teaching them personal values.