Teaching Kids an "I Can" Attitude

This is kind of titled incorrectly in a way.  I believe that you can't really teach attitude.  You can talk with your kids about attitude, about how it makes a difference in life in so many ways, but you can't teach it.  It's one of those things that a child -- anyone for that matter -- has to decide about on their own.

Attitude is one of those things that I think somewhat germinates on its own.  It's how someone plants the seeds of their thought that makes the difference in whether our outlook is sunny or cloudy or somewhere in between.  I believe that it all starts with thought.

I was at a training seminar a couple of years ago and was given a poster that says it better than I can.  Here it is:

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words.  Choose your words for they become actions.  Understand your action for it becomes habit.  Study your habits for they create character.  Develop your character for it becomes your destiny."  (Author Unknown.)

So back to the topic, Teaching Kids an "I Can" Attitude.  Since we can't really teach attitude, but we want our children to understand the importance of it and try to maintain a positive outlook, how do we do it?  I believe that one of the best ways is to demonstrate it.  Be the example. (See my site's page on being a good influence as a parent by being a good example.)  Kids learn best not by being told, but by being shown -- through observation.  And as I sit here writing this, I am coming up with a whole bunch of things I can do a better job demonstrating myself!

I'm writing this post today because I think it's so interesting how chance encounters or just specific moments in our lives can really make us think.  I mean, think at a deeper level than our hustle and bustle lives usually allow us to.  It's interesting how the thoughts that come out of these moments can change our entire outlook, hopefully, for good.

I received an e-mail from someone I don't know today.  She's a cancer survivor.  But, that's just a label. (She's also a mother and wife, among, I'm sure, many other noble labels.)  After being introduced to her blog and reading it, I can only believe that she's had an amazing journey --- one of optimism, courage, leadership, and grace.  I don't know Heather, but I was inspired by her blog and want to wish her the best.  If you'd like to read about her journey yourself, click here to read her blog.

She's demonstrated the "I Can" attitude for her daughter.  What better way for a daughter to learn a whole host of fantastic character traits than to see her mother exemplifying them?  So this e-mail I got from Heather today was a reminder for me today about the power of example, especially as it relates to attitude.  I'll be especially aware of it later today with my own family and hope to be a good example for them, not just today, but for the days that follow, too.

Thanks for the reminder, Heather.  Best regards.


For more topics related to this one, check out my site's pages on "Parenting Today" through a Can Do attitude,  and "Teaching Your Children Values". 

Parenting Tips - Installment 1

I've been asked, a lot recently, about some key parenting tips. What are some ways to improve the relationship between the parent and the child?

There are a number of things that come to mind.  Since there are quite a few, I'll cover them in a couple of different blog posts. 

The most general, sort of all-encompassing parenting principle is to:

• Parent from a place of love. 

What does that mean?  It means to think about what you do, what rules you put into place, and how you talk with your kids and make sure you are coming from a place of love... not a place where you just have to be in control.

• Parent with integrity.  

Do what you say.  Be the example in this regard.  Every  time a parent says they're going to do something and doesn't, they are not keeping their word to their kids.  That teaches the kids that their parents don't always keep their word, but it also teaches them that keeping your word isn't an important character trait.  

• Parent with consistency.  

Letting your children know what to expect is a good thing.  They have a clearer understanding about what you think is good and what is not acceptable behavior.  And keep the consequences for unacceptable behavior consistent.

Being consistent also means sharing a plan with your spouse so that you and your spouse are on the same page.  You and your spouse are a team.  Your kids need to see you that way.

My next post will continue with more parenting tips, or parenting principles.  Until then, feel free to check out my Positive Parenting Tips page, or some of the pages specifically related to this post like "Good Parenting through Consistency", "Tough Love Parenting", "Raising Children" by Being the Example, Positive Parenting by Focusing on Your Marriage, and "Personal Values".

Teaching Kids the Value of Money

Have you ever notices that some kids' parents give them whatever they want? Boy, I have.

I've noticed that some parents just need to be cajoled, prodded, or incessantly begged for something and their parents -- usually meaning well and wanting to please their kids -- give in and get them what they want.

I'm always amazed by this, that parents can't seem to think ahead to the possible damage that this can cause in the kids' upbringing.

Oh, I realize that almost every parent I know just wants the best for their kids. But "the best" in the short-term isn't often "the best" long-term. I also realize that buying things for your kids isn't always a bad thing, but I look around and see many kids that, to no fault of their own, are spoiled, are not learning the value of money, and are being set up for disappointment later in life when they have to fend for themselves in purchasing what they want.

My kids think we are poor. They think their parents are very frugal. They see my husband and me save for things. We research big-ticket things and weigh our decisions before buying. And then we usually pay cash. I can't help but think that this conservative stance will serve them better in the long run. It does kinda hurt sometimes when, as a parent, I ultimately want my children to be happy and want to help provide them with that happiness.

But I believe that our main role as parents is to teach them to be self-reliant, responsible, and caring adults. Hopefully, teaching them the value of money will eventually lead to more of a peaceful life, too. (Living below your means can help avoid the stress of not having the money to pay for things. Remember, withing marriages, finances is one of the primary factors leading to stress and ultimately discontent and divorce in the US.)

When my kids were able, I'd take them to the store with me and we'd compare the quality of things that we wanted and compare the prices. We'd also compare the amount of the product in the package and make decisions about what to buy based on all of that. My kids first thought I was nuts. Who has time for all of that?

When we took our kids to Disney World, I gave them each some money, as a gift. They could buy whatever they wanted (within reason), but when the money was gone, it was gone. One of my kids wanted a particular sword. He bought it and it cost almost all of the money he was given. Honesty, he had pennies left over. One of my other sons bought something, and brought the rest of the money home. He wanted to "save it for something he really wanted later." I was so proud of him.

I'm sure there are many, many parents out there who have some fantastic life lessons that teach about money. The point it, it's important to teach them how to cope with delayed gratification, and it's important for parents to deal with the discomfort of leaving your kids wanting something in order to benefit them long-term.

Do you have some thoughts on this? Please write in. Send me your comments.

For more, see my pages on teaching children the value of money, and teaching them personal values.