Parents Teach Kids Nutrition While Introducing Them to the Benefits of Juicing

By now, most of us have heard about the growing epidemic of childhood obesity.  We've all heard about it, but the problem continues.  Why?  Because eating habits aren't changing.  And where does that start for children?  It starts at home, with what their caretakers are purchasing them to eat.

What's in the cabinets?  What is in the refrigerator?  In most cases, obesity in children begins with their parents.  And, in many cases, those children who eat poorly and are significantly overweight, have parents who have poor eating habits as well.

But today, there's also a growing interest in teaching children how to get good nutrition.  I see it all the time with the kids' sports teams I'm involved with.  While there are many who feed their kids whatever they'll eat to "get something in them,"  there's an increasing group of parents who understand input equals output, now and also way in the future.

I'm seeing more and more interest in kids and nutrition -- helping them consume good nutrients.  And one way that parents are doing this is by introducing their kids to juicing benefits.  Parents are making their children healthy breakfast smoothies and the kids just think they're having a great breakfast shake.  (Some do taste better than others, but some fruit smoothies are packed with nutrients and taste fantastic!)

As kids get more used to drinking smoothies and vitamin-rich fruit drinks, parents can introduce them to veggie drinks through tasty combos that give them nutrients that their bodies need without all of the empty calories that fast food provides.  They get the benefits of juicing vegetables, but don't initially give up the more processed foods that they're used to.   They idea being that they eventually swap more nutrient-dense drinks for junk food long-term.

Today, with rising costs of health care, everyone being one or two people removed from someone who has cancer or another significant health concern, and with increased competition among our youth to out-perform others in the sporting arena, nutrition is one area that can make a huge difference in our lives.  And juicing or blending more fruits and vegetables is one thing we can do to begin to feed ourselves right.


For more information about nutrition, visit the nutrition page on my parenting site. 

Want more info on juicing?  Check out Dr. Oz's recent piece on the Healing Properties of Juicing, and this site on juicing and blending.

Baby Product Recalls and Other Parenting News

If you have a baby, toddler or child with toys, you are probably really aware of the need to stay apprised of recalls.  Sometimes, it's just a matter of getting a replacement part or some other quick fix for the problem that's been found with the product.  Sometimes, though, the product needs to be replaced or retired.

When recalls occur, there have been hazards reported about the specific product; often the problem is just a concern for possible incidences, but often there have been serious injuries reported that are concerning enough for the CPSC and the product manufacturer to take action for consumer safety.

With all this said, if you're a busy parent like I am, it is difficult to stay current on recalls that actually might affect a member of your family.

To make it simple, I've got two pages on my site that enable you to make quick checks of products and/or just read through a list of the most recent recalls. Click here to check out all of your infants' items, and click here for a current list from the CPSC of recalls in general.

Aside from recalls, it's important to know what's going on in parenting circles.  Knowing what others are going through, current topics of interest, and just news that might affect you and your family is a good thing!  Join us on our "Parenting Resource" page for the news on what's happening with new treatments for various conditions, psychology research, neonatal studies, and other general parenting news.

Parenting Articles by Guest Posters

I've been asked over and over if I'd take parenting articles by guest posters.  There are a lot of parents with some insight that they want to share out there! (This isn't for this parenting blog so much as it is for my positive parenting website. )

In the past, I just didn't have time to put together a specific place for guest articles on parenting, but as of a couple of days ago, it's done! Now I'm calling for parenting articles, written by readers, by either credentialed parenting authors and moms and dads who have some specific advice on how to go about positive parenting.   (Let's face it... moms and dads who haven't had the first early child development course still have gone through the school of hard knocks and have some do's and don'ts to give!!)

This call-out is for articles; if you have something really short that speaks to a topic either here or on my parenting blog on the website, please write a parenting guest post either on this blog, or on the website.  (Link above.) However, if you have something more substantial to contribute, we now have a place for it!

Please make sure that you read the guidelines for submission.  (All too often, we get people wanting to advertise their product or website.  Parenting articles on the website is NOT the place for that.  Read the guidelines on the site.  You can click on the link below to be taken there.)

As always, I look forward to reading the contributions of other parents!


Want to contribute a parenting article?  Click here to go to the right tab on Positive Parenting with Purpose. 

Parenting and Sports

I haven't written in a while.  I've been trying to parent around and through all of the sports.  What I mean is that I've got all my kids in many different things after school.  Parenting and sports can be a great thing, but it can also make things nuts.

And, yes, I did mean to say that "I've got my kids in many different things after school." Truth be known, it started out with me pushing them to try different things.  Many parents do this.  You put them in something when they're young and they try it out to see if they like it.  Eventually, they might just land on something that they like enough to want to continue with it.  Along the way, if they're lucky, they might learn some determination, they might learn that disappointments in placement or performance are great motivators, that it feels better to win than to lose, but they also might learn to lose with some grace if that's important to you as the parent. Mine have learned that giving up play time is worth the results that they're getting.

With packed (and I mean packed) schedules, it can be a little stressful.

My friend was pretty blunt with me the other day and asked me what the heck I was doing having my kids so busy after school.  She has two kids that have one-day-a-week piano lessons, but other than that, they do homework and play.  (They're in the 5th grade.)  I think that that's fine.  But as kids get start to get a little older, my feeling is that it's good to limit idle time to the weekends.  My HOPE is that, while a little crazy sometimes, my kids are learning the skills of sports (which they love), and are also learning time management, delayed gratification, prioritizing, and many other lessons that create life-long impact.

How do you feel about parenting and sports?  Feel free to weigh in.  Different strokes, right?






For an aggregate of parenting sites which provide different information from birth to teens, visit my pipes.

Teaching Kids Personal Values

I read and watch all of the chatter surrounding Lance Armstrong and his eventual confession about actually doping while participating in professional cycling, and also his confession about lying for the past several years.

So many thoughts go through my head.

With all of the hype around the topic, it's no surprise that my 10 year old asked me the other day, "Mom, what is 'doping'", followed almost immediately by, "Why did he lie about it?"

Obviously, I had to explain the term to him and then explain reasons why it's been such a topic of discussion recently.

The second question, the one about lying, came just after we watched the CEO of Livestrong talk about the effects of Lance's revelation on the Organization, and it needed more thought on my part in order to provide the most meaningful explanation.

If you've read any of my other entries in this parenting blog, you'll know how I feel about teaching kids personal values.  One of the primary ones to teach at a young age is the negatives of lying.  It's a hard lesson to learn, and some don't ever learn it.  Some, as Lance indicated happened with him, lie to perpetuate their own reality regardless of the effects it has on others.

Kids who are taught personal values, such as telling the truth,  at an early age are much more likely to have a strong sense of virtue and want to do what's right with others, and do it for God and themselves... just because it's right.

I can't begin to know Mr. Armstrong's upbringing, his inner drive to perpetuate the narrative that he was the best of the best, at all costs.  I feel for what he put others through who competed with and against him the honest way.  But this post isn't so much about him, as it is about what we can and should learn from it all.

I'll be purposefully inserting some discussion with my kids about it, and hopefully get their wheels turning about the choices and consequences surrounding this situation.  I hope that some good can come from it. 

Top 10 Baby Products Needed When Having a Baby

It sure is difficult to narrow a list of baby products down to a Top 10 List of Baby Products Needed When Having a Baby, but I've come up with my own version, cheating a little by combining a couple.  But here's the list of the items that I think a new parent should make sure that they have before bringing your new addition home:

1. Diapers and Wipes:  Whether you use disposable diapers (there are so many brand available today including top brand names such as: Huggies Disposable Diapers, Pampers Disposable Diapers, and Luvs Disposable Diapers; generic versions, and even good discount warehouse versions!) or cloth diapers (there are cloth diapers and diaper bins that can be purchased, or, in many areas there are diaper services available) you MUST have an adequate supply of diapers ready for your newborn.  Ensure you also have the right size.  Wipes also need to be available for those diaper changes.
2. Infant Car Seat: 
   In most places in the US, hospitals will not allow a new mom to leave their hospital without strapping their newborn into a car seat when leaving their facility.  Make sure the straps are sized properly for your new baby and that the seat is properly installed.  (The DMV has provided guidelines which I think are good.  Click here for more.)  If you haven't bought a car seat yet, make sure you get one that will meet your needs.  Click here fore more considerations. Also, make sure that you keep car safety in the front of your mind.
3. Baby bottles:  Do you want to breastfeed?  Even if you do, you'll want at least one bottle for the convenience of feeding breast milk without having the baby to breast. If not, you'll want to decide if you want disposable bottles (where there are inserts for the milk that can be thrown away), plastic or glass bottles.  Nipple size and shape are also a consideration, although I always found that the baby will take what their given at some point!  Of course, if you're bottle feeding, you'll also want to decide which formula you'll want to serve and have some on hand.
4. Baby Crib:  Do you want a crib right away, or do you think you'd prefer a bassinet?  Do you want to wait to decide and start with a pack and play that has its own built-in bassinet that can be placed right beside your bed at night and wheeled around during the day?  Decisions, decisions...
5.  Sleepwear:  While most new parents love to go out and get a gazillion outfits for their infant prior to their arrival, after having several children myself, I can easily say that all of those outfits are not needed.  What you need to do is decide what is most comfortable for your baby, and what is easiest for you to manipulate when changing him/her.  Some of this depends on the season.  I loved the gowns when my infants were really small.  I'd use those with socks to keep their feet warm.  These nightgowns work for both boys and girls and make life a lot easier for the person changing the baby! When the baby gets older, the sleepers with the built-in footies work well. (My kids always used to take off their socks, fall asleep, and then have cold feet! These sleepers prevented that.)  If you get sleepers, consider if you like zippers or snaps.  Zippers were always much easier for me.
6. Baby blankets:  You only need a couple of these, but I found that ALL of mine were much happier being snuggly swaddled when they came home from the hospital.
7. Baby bath:  How will you bathe your child?  You COULD bathe them in the kitchen sink, but you'll want to make it comfortable and safe.  I always found that an inexpensive, foldable but leak-proof bathtub was best.  Click here for more considerations on bathing kids.
8. Baby Carrier(s):  How will you carry your baby outside of the house?  Do you want a baby stroller?  If so, what kind?  Do you want another type of baby carrier like one that straps on you?  Will you just keep him/her in the infant car seat? You might find reasons to use all  of these, but you'll probably want something to help hold your child when you're out and about.
9. Toiletries:  You'll probably want to have some petroleum jelly available for care of the belly button, some diaper rash cream, and incidentals like a baby brush or comb, bath soap, lotions, etc. 
10. Medicines:  I always wanted to have some acetaminophen and some ibuprofen on hand.  Often, when calling the doctor because I thought one of my babies had a fever, they would give me the recommended dosing of one of these to help bring the fever down.  

For more on toiletries and medicines, click here.

If you're preparing for a baby, this is an exciting time for you! There is so much to prepare for!  The list above is just my own list of necessities when I had my kids.  I do know that, with my first, I really went overboard in getting things that I thought I needed and really didn't.  I guess that's part of the fun and excitement of it all, but if you want, just stick to the basics and have more money left for later... with a child you will need it!

Is this list missing something big?  Let us know!  Write a comment below.

Kids' Belief in Santa Claus

I was talking with a couple of friends the other day.  We started discussing Santa Claus and whether or not our children believe in him.

The conversation started in a lighthearted way, but changed a little as we got deeper into the conversation.  One friend felt very strongly that it is awful to perpetuate a long-existing myth with your children.  Most of the other moms were taken back by this and didn't quite know what to say.  (This particular mom doesn't celebrate Halloween or allow her kids to either, albeit for a very different reason.  She believes that people could easily make Halloween a very ugly celebration.) 

So this discussion about Santa Claus turned into more of an in-depth conversation about the meaning behind it all; we also talked about the ever increasing commercialization of this holiday, how easy it is to forget the true meaning of the holiday and get caught up in all the hype.

Later, as I was thinking it all over when I was at home, I thought about my friend's point, and then explored how I felt about it all.  Virginia's letter to the editor came to mind, along with the reply, "Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus." (If you're not sure what I'm talking about read about it on a Hub page I wrote going into more detail.  My Hub page is entitled, "'Is There a Santa Claus' - Revisited.")

So do YOU think there's harm in living out the dream of Santa Claus with your children?  What do YOU do to keep the true meaning of Christmas alive?  Does Santa overpower it all?

What do YOU think?  Please add to this post by commenting below.

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Baby Strollers and Other Baby Carriers

I had a pregnant friend as me the other day about baby strollers.

There are now so many on the market, she wanted to know which baby strollers are "best" and which ones she should stay away from.  She also wanted to know what I always used to carry my kids when they weren't in a stroller, (usually called baby carriers.)

Here's what I told her:  No one person can say which stroller is the absolute best.  That's why there are so many on the market with so many different features!  What's important it to narrow down what features are necessary for you.  From there you can decide which one will meet those needs.

Based on the conversation I had with her, I thought it'd be helpful to list some things to consider when choosing between all of the baby strollers and baby carriers out there.  I've not included everything, just brushed over the highlights.  For a more all-inclusive list of things to consider, check out the pages on Positive Parenting with Purpose focused exclusively on each of these. Check out the pages on baby strollers and baby carriers. 



Strollers:

- Do you want a stroller that fits the infant car seat initially, and then converts to a sitting sitting stroller?
- Do you want your child to be able to lie all the way down?  (Some allow for that, but most strollers don't recline all of the way;  older styles do, some newer styles that are take-offs on the old ones will, and prams do.)
- Do you want a "travel system?"  These usually allow for the infant car seat initially.  They also have a lot of nooks and crannies for storing a diaper bag, purse, clothes, drinks and other items.  They're like stroller minivans!
- Is the weight it important to you?  (Will you be taking it in and out of the car a lot? 

How difficult is your vehicle to get a stroller in and out?)  Is the weight more important than the storage space for belongings?    If so, you might want to consider something like the Snap n' Go which carries the infant carrier and is one of the most light-weight ones on the market.
- Where will you be taking the child?  What will you be doing?  (i.e., shopping versus jogging.)
- How many children do you need to transport, and what is the age difference?



Baby Carriers:

- Do you want the child upright or lying down?
- Do you need a lot of mobility or does it matter?  (Some baby carriers are made specifically for hiking/camping and are like backpacks, which allow the parent to have a little more mobility in the front.)
- Are you breastfeeding?
- Do you want your child to be able to face the front, or does it matter?




For both baby strollers and carriers, you'll want to check recalls with the Consumer Product Safety Commission.  With this link you can input the product you are interested in and research any recalls on it and the reasons they took place.  If you just want to research strollers, Parents.com has put together a consolidated list here.

If you are wanting a broader search of all baby products, see this page on baby product recalls.

Know that sometimes companies voluntarily recall their products and/or provide fixes for issues that may cause concern.  You'll want to read the particulars about any recall before deciding against any product.

Do you have any specific features of baby strollers or baby carriers that new or expecting moms should know about?  Let us know!

See these links for more on baby equipment and the baby monitor.

Parenting Children by Being a Parent Not a Friend

Most anybody parenting children would probably say that they really want their kids to like them.  As a matter of fact, I don't know anyone in my friendship circle that doesn't really want their kids to like them. But I do think that there is a fine line between wanting your kids to like you and going too far to become friends with them when what they need is parents.

This is a tough one for me.  I really do want my kids to think that I'm a cool parent; I want them to like me and I want them to want to bring their friends around and not be embarrassed by their mom.  But I guess what I want more, is for them to respect me, and ultimately grow up being respectful, well - adjusted young adults that can understand and appreciate boundaries (relational, societal, etc.)

Now I'm not saying I believe that parents shouldn't be close with their kids.  It's just the opposite, and ultimately, parents having a responsible friendship with their kids is great.  The key, though, is still being a responsible adult with them.  This isn't demonstrated when parents want their kids to like them to the point that they don't help their children.  Being a parent first means being consistent with what you say and do, not rewarding bad behavior because you don't want to create a rift, and not making unpopular decisions because of concern for the kids' reactions.

I found a great article that goes into some other points about this important distinction.  It's called "Your Child is not Your 'Friend'."

I believe responsibly parenting children means knowing at what stage in their development the parents can begin to back away from being just a parent into more of a friendship role.

I have some very close friends who came over this past weekend.  Actually, I am close friends with the father and my kids are very close with his kids.  (He joined all of those that consider themselves one parent families a couple of years ago.  And he's not a single parent with an ex who sometimes helps out; the mother of his children is not in the picture at all.)

He adores his kids.  One of the primary ways that he shows this is by being such a great friend to his children.  And while I absolutely love his kids, I do wonder if their somewhat flippant attitude (that is sometimes really cute), will hurt them in the long run.  They tend to want to befriend adults -- verbally sparring and teasing.

This might be a huge help for them in life because they don't seem fearful of interacting with those older than they are.   But I did notice that, at times, they seem to cross a line.  The other adults that were there seemed to feel the same way.

Only time will tell in this case, and of course, I wish this family only the best.

In my family, though, and because of other situations I've observed where befriending kids seemed to be a detriment, I think I'll continue to ensure they my little folks know their boundaries, explore them and learn what's acceptable and what's not NOW, versus later, and then when they're young adults, I'll hope that that friendship I want can be true and deep with them.

Here's another story from a writer for the Occupy Parenthood section of Communities @ Washington Times.  Her article is titled, "Being a Parent Versus Being a Friend."

What do you think of this topic?  Let me know in the comments section here.



Also, find more on this and other parenting topics at Positive Parenting with Purpose, including some good parenting reference material like parenting books, the best parenting books and parenting classes.

Parents Teach Children

Parents teach children so incredibly much every day.

Oh, yeah.  If you ask any parent, they'll probably say that they know that.  But I certainly have a hard time remembering that fact when I'm going throughout my day with my children.

For me, what's really important to keep in the back of my mind, is those opportunities to teach without really going through the normal motions of "teaching." What I mean is this:  instructing is one thing, and it clearly has it's place in active parenting.  However, I truly believe that those moments when kids are taught without noticeable instruction -- when they learn through circumstances -- can be the most significant in shaping a child.

I think about my day with my children.  I teach them about a sense of urgency, I teach them how to tie shoes, how to hang a pair of pants, how to groom for the day, how to stack the dishwasher, some school subjects like math and language arts, how to work a baby diaper change, and on and on.  It's the opportunities to learn about character, though, as well as reasoning, that come and go.  And it's what I do, (or don't do, for parents teach children either way) with those opportunities that really matters for me as a parent, and for my children.  I think we all have little opportunities almost every day for teaching children values, respect, integrity, honesty, and other character-building lessons.  Where the rubber meets the road is what we do with them.

Still, life does get in the way.  Busyness takes the lead.  And while I need to extend myself some grace about missed chances to develop character, (or to help them to develop their own) I also need to start my day with some good preparation to capture those the next time.  And capturing them might be as little as being a good parental influence -- demonstrating for them how to handle situations.  They learn SO much just by watching us.

Sound like a bunch of hooha?  Maybe.  But I have a clear understanding about the short time I have as one of the two most influential people in my kiddos' lives.  So, I take it seriously.

What do you think?



Thanks for visiting!

Teaching Social Skills within the Family

I heard our minister talk about teaching social skills the other day.  Well, his topic was more about how family members interact, but it had a broader reach, as well.

It was quite interesting, the context that he used to get his message across.  The entire premise was that, aside from teaching personal values, if the adults in the family would just come out of their own world long enough to ask one simple question, it would affect the entire mood of the family, and this ultimately could have a profound effect on how kids socialize.  The question was, "what can I do to help?"

Now, I didn't come up with this, my minister did, but I got to thinking about the implications of this question.  After using it for a while, would the kids in the family start to ask it, too?  Wow.  Now that would be something.

I started to think that one actually goes through some specific exercises when teaching social skills, and teaching children about money, for example.  But teaching them how to find moments of selflessness -- of helpfulness to others -- that's something that they probably learn best by seeing in action. (The same is true with teaching children to pray, and teaching values.)

I started thinking about how often, in the craziness of our schedule, I just want my kids to do this, do that, and then get this or that done before we have to leave to go somewhere.  But how often to I ask them, "what can I do to help?", and how would that change how they approach situations both within our family and outside our family if this question -- and the sentiment behind it -- became a regular part of how we interact? 


For similar topics, come visit my website and check out the pages on "teaching children about manners", "teaching kids about respect", "teaching children the value of money", and "teaching children about diversity".

Changing a Baby's Diaper - The Odor of Yours Vs Others

For those of you that have to go through the regular changing of a baby's diaper, I am wondering if you experience the same thing that I do.  Please note that today's blog is more based on curiosity than on anything having to do with good parenting, but sometimes I just have to go there.

I have had several kids.  I'm used to changing diapers.  It's old hat by now.  I currently have two that are much older and one that is still a baby and because of that, goes through about 10 diapers a day.  (How such a small thing could be so constantly eliminating heaps of waste, I'll never know.) 

When I notice that my little guy needs a diaper change, it stinks.  That's usually the main sign that the child is dirty, right? I go to change the baby's diaper and there usually is a small little nugget, but it is packed with smell!  Here's the question though:  How come, when I go to change other people's babies, they seem to smell ten times worse?

I have a niece that I love very much.  Even so, when I'm getting her cleaned up and into a fresh diaper, it is totally putrid.  I love her.  I love my own kids.  Why do the others smell so bad?  Is there something about changing a baby's diaper -- a baby that doesn't come directly from you -- that makes it so intolerable?  (At one point, I was beginning to think that it was some weird kind of defense mechanism...)

Any ideas?

Come visit my pages for more serious information about baby diapers, the baby diaper change process, potty training girls and boys, and general potty training signs. Find all of this and more at Positive Parenting with Purpose!

Domestic Discipline Stories

I've been reading a lot of blogs and forums out there recently and, wow!  There are a lot of discussions going on in social media regarding what is the right method to discipline children. There are a lot of thought out there, but little in the way of personal domestic discipline stories. Spanking, time - outs, grounding, taking away privileges, only positive reinforcement -- Which is right and is it partially determined by what you, yourself, went through?

Did you experience mostly positive reinforcement?  Do you have your own corporal punishment stories from when you grew up?  Do you believe that you use old fashioned discipline, or are you trying to use newer ideas when it comes to disciplining kids?

Well, one thing is for certain when it comes to domestic discipline.  People generally have strong opinions one way or another.

My parents rarely spanked me or my brother.  And I can pretty much remember clearly the times that they did, and what I was spanked for.  I have some close friends that claim that they have never raised their voices at their children, and from what I've seen, I believe that.  And their kids are fantastic.  They're respectful, well - behaved, and articulate young adults.

So I'm asking my readers to share their domestic discipline stories... either situations they recall from their own childhood, or situations with their kids.  Come on.  Share.  Share the good, the bad, the ugly.  If you want, do it anonymously.  But I really think it'll be interesting to get some dialogue going on this.

To weigh in specifically on your preferred method of discipline, head over to my site and submit your comments. To do that, click here. Come visit my "parenting discipline" page for more on this topic.  Click here for information on toddler tantrums. 

Want to have a clearer definition for domestic discipline?  Check out what Wiki has to say.

Active Children - Positive Parenting by Keeping Adolescents Busy

I read the title above and wondered, "Hmmm. Wonder how that will hit people when they read it?"

Keeping children "busy" doesn't necessarily sound like good parenting.  But in looking around at children who are nearing the pre-teen or teenage years, I have to believe that children who have an endeavor that they can focus on don't have idle time to spend getting into something ... else.

I have found that kids need help at young ages finding things to focus on.  Most children I've known, including my own, don't focus easily on any one thing for any lengthy period of time.  They might need a little push, (operative word "little.")  Getting them excited about a musical instrument, a past time that has goals like sports or other competitions like spelling, math, or debate for example, can be very healthy.  And it can be healthy in many ways.  I DO have to say that there are ways of going about this that might NOT be good, like pushing kids into things that they really don't like, pushing too hard, etc., but exposing them to some of these activities and encouraging them to focus on being really good at something, is GOOD!

This isn't to say that children don't need some time just to play, but being able to develop focus early on is a good thing.


A close friend of mine that I really respect was talking with a couple of my kids the other day.  He was talking with them about life, and about choices along the way.  One of my kids asked him, "How come you're good at so many things?"  He said to them, "I'm not great at everything, but I made a decision a long time ago that I want to be a collector of things I can do!"  What an interesting way of explaining that.  He went on to say that it opens a lot of doors in life to know how to do things, to understand things, and to be able to relate and talk with others about activities.  He also said that it makes you more interesting.

I want my children to have interests.  I want them to pursue interests.  I want them to be active children.  Heck.  If all parents were to encourage being really involved in constructive activities, (what some might think is part of active parenting), it might just also help a little with our problem with childhood obesity that we face.

What are your thoughts on helping children find endeavors to focus on?  Do you think it should be part of "Positive Parenting with a Plan"? Let us know!  Comment here, or let us know on Positive Parenting with Purpose!

Parenting Talks with Kids

The other day, our minister brought up a point that I thought was really good.  It's something I'd thought about before, but the context he put it in brought his point home really well.

His discussion was about how to reach others when you're talking with them -- how to really make an impact.  The example he used was when he was talking with his son; all parents who have or have had adolescents or teens know how difficult it can sometimes be to reach them.

His story was about how his wife makes dinner for the family every night, and quite often, his son would throw a fit as soon as dinner was served.  (He apparently was a very picky eater, and didn't like the looks of much of what his mother served.)  He'd scowl up his face and make ugly comments about the food before he even tasted it.

The minister went on to say that he found something that was really important to the boy, (his Leggo creations) and the next time the boy came to show his dad his creation, his dad praised him, pointed out all of the great things about what his son had done, and made him feel really good about it, as he usually did when his son showed him what he'd built.  This time, though, he drew a parallel to the boy's mother who spent hours making dinner every night for the family.  He asked his son how HE would feel if, instead of telling the boy all of the great things about his Leggo creation, his father didn't even want to look at it, or didn't say anything nice about it.

The minister continued to tell his audience what happened in the discussion with his son; his son understood what it might be like to have his feelings hurt from insensitive comments.

The point to all of this was this:  facts can teach.  But you can really reach someone when you combine facts with feelings.  The father was able to find something that the boy felt really strongly about, and use that along with some facts, to make his point.

This can be the difference between what seems like "talking at" a son or daughter, and "talking with" them.  It's about talking their language.  It could take a little work, and some planning, but the results might be well worth it.  (And it might save a lot of other work -- and frustration -- that you might face otherwise!

And it's amazing where these kind of reminders might come from!


For more on this and other positive parenting topics, visit Positive Parenting with Purpose.  For specific pages related to this topic, check out Positive Parenting with a Plan, Parenting Talk, Emotional Development, and Parenting Skills.

Teaching Kids an "I Can" Attitude

This is kind of titled incorrectly in a way.  I believe that you can't really teach attitude.  You can talk with your kids about attitude, about how it makes a difference in life in so many ways, but you can't teach it.  It's one of those things that a child -- anyone for that matter -- has to decide about on their own.

Attitude is one of those things that I think somewhat germinates on its own.  It's how someone plants the seeds of their thought that makes the difference in whether our outlook is sunny or cloudy or somewhere in between.  I believe that it all starts with thought.

I was at a training seminar a couple of years ago and was given a poster that says it better than I can.  Here it is:

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words.  Choose your words for they become actions.  Understand your action for it becomes habit.  Study your habits for they create character.  Develop your character for it becomes your destiny."  (Author Unknown.)

So back to the topic, Teaching Kids an "I Can" Attitude.  Since we can't really teach attitude, but we want our children to understand the importance of it and try to maintain a positive outlook, how do we do it?  I believe that one of the best ways is to demonstrate it.  Be the example. (See my site's page on being a good influence as a parent by being a good example.)  Kids learn best not by being told, but by being shown -- through observation.  And as I sit here writing this, I am coming up with a whole bunch of things I can do a better job demonstrating myself!

I'm writing this post today because I think it's so interesting how chance encounters or just specific moments in our lives can really make us think.  I mean, think at a deeper level than our hustle and bustle lives usually allow us to.  It's interesting how the thoughts that come out of these moments can change our entire outlook, hopefully, for good.

I received an e-mail from someone I don't know today.  She's a cancer survivor.  But, that's just a label. (She's also a mother and wife, among, I'm sure, many other noble labels.)  After being introduced to her blog and reading it, I can only believe that she's had an amazing journey --- one of optimism, courage, leadership, and grace.  I don't know Heather, but I was inspired by her blog and want to wish her the best.  If you'd like to read about her journey yourself, click here to read her blog.

She's demonstrated the "I Can" attitude for her daughter.  What better way for a daughter to learn a whole host of fantastic character traits than to see her mother exemplifying them?  So this e-mail I got from Heather today was a reminder for me today about the power of example, especially as it relates to attitude.  I'll be especially aware of it later today with my own family and hope to be a good example for them, not just today, but for the days that follow, too.

Thanks for the reminder, Heather.  Best regards.


For more topics related to this one, check out my site's pages on "Parenting Today" through a Can Do attitude,  and "Teaching Your Children Values". 

Quotes on Parenting

I have a friend who went to a Christian-based parenting seminar the other evening.  She LOVED it.  She said the speaker gave her some great ideas on parenting, but one of the best things she came away from the seminar with was some good parenting quotes.  She said that it's amazing how short little phrases can sometimes just make certain parenting situations so clear.

The phrase that this speaker quoted, which she got the most from was "Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child." 

I've heard this before and even have a coaster that has this quote on it.  But in the particular context of this speaker, she said it really put a nice wrapping and bow on how she often feels when she's parenting.

It got me thinking about other parent quotes.  There are quite a few parenting quotes that encapsulate how different people, some famous, some anonymous, feel about parenting.

For some good ones, see my parenting quotes pages on Positive Parenting with Purpose,  or better yet, send in some that you think are good!  We'd love to see them.

Teaching Kids Respect

I went to a swim meet with my kids the other night.  I worked in the "bull pen," which is the holding area for the different age groups of kids.

Some of the kids were wonderful.  They were excited, but pretty much did what they were supposed to do, went where they were supposed to go when it was time, and listened when they were talked to.  Some weren't as... great to work with.

One child was particularly challenging.  He didn't do as he was asked, he didn't stay in the bull pen, and caused havoc with the adults trying to manage the kids in getting them to their events on time.

I was one of the adults trying to manage these children.  There was one other adult helping.  We tried several times to talk with this child to get him to a place of understanding what was expected of him.  Nothing seemed to work. The other woman who was helping was so frustrated that she threw her hands up and told me that she was giving up in dealing with this one child.

The lady helping me said that he needed to be taught some respect.  She comes from another country and said that her parents would have never tolerated even a small amount of his bad behavior.  I asked what would have happened in her family.  She said that the children would have shown respect to the adults, listened, waiting their turn to speak, and if they didn't, would have been spanked.

Clearly, something needs to happen with this boy.  Some things already should have been happening with him at home.  I don't know his situation at home, but it was obvious that his behavior was a result of what is (or more likely what isn't)  taking place with him at home.

There are a lot of things that came to mind that might be missing for him.  Again, I cannot say without knowing more about his home life.  All I can do is take what lessons I can from trying to work with him that night and apply them with my own family. And, ultimately, our issue, in my opinion, became one with his parents, as they are the ones that are in a position to deal appropriately with him to get him doing what he was supposed to do. 

I'm sure we've all had to deal with unruly children.  At some point, most all of us have been put in a situation where we have to manage others' kids, but of course we cannot discipline them, nor would it do much good to do that; the discipline they get at home (or lack of it) is so different that trying to teach a child in a situation like this can be futile. 

Have any of you been put in a similar position?  If so, what happened?  Let us know.  Either comment below, or write in my parenting forum at:  http://www.positive-parenting-with-purpose.com/parenting-discipline.html.  Read or contribute to other forum posts on my
Positive Parenting Blog.

If this is a topic of interest to you, check out some of my similar pages:  "Parenting Skills"  of Communication, and "Parenting Children" by being a Parent vs a Friend. 

Spanking vs. Time Outs

This has become a question that gets more and more attention as of late: Is spanking a better way to discipline a child, or is the time - out a better method? Now days, there is a lot of discussion that neither is the BEST method of really changing the behavior of a child in a direction that is best for the child and the family.  Allowing children to experience directly-relational consequences has a lot of merit.  We'll discuss this in a later post.

I was channel surfing the other night when I came across a segment on a show where the parents were discussing how p.c. we've become.  In that context, they went on to talk about how spanking used to be common place; they were saying that now, you really have to watch what you say about spanking to whom.

I have my own thoughts on this topic, but am interested in hearing from YOU!  

How do you feel about spanking? Are time - outs better in the overall movie of a child's life?

To chime in, either add a comment below, or add it to my web page dedicated to this topic.  You can find it on my parenting site, Positive Parenting with Purpose.com.  The specific page for adding your comments is "Disciplining Children", but there's more information on the topic on the page entitled, "Parenting Discipline".

There is also some discussion on this topic on my facebook page, http://www.facebook.com/PositiveParentingWithPurpose.  Come join the conversation!

Are You a Helicopter Parent ... Or Something Else?

I think this term was coined by Jim Fay, co-founder of the The Love and Logic Institute.  Helicopter parent.  According to Mr. Fay, it is a parent who is overprotective.  They hover and are destructive even though they are trying to be protective.

I never have been this type of parent.  Well.  I say "never."  I have.  I've taken my kids' lunch to school when they've forgotten it, and I've sometimes driven their homework packet to school for them when they've left it at home.

According to Mr. Fay, I've missed out on good learning opportunities for them when I've done that.  (I bet if they didn't have lunch for one day when they forgot it, they wouldn't do THAT again, knowing my kids!)  Now, that may sound tough, but sometimes a little tough love parenting is what is needed for them to grow into adults that can one day handle themselves on their own.

I've never been that much of an overprotective parent. What I have been, though, is a parent that gives a lot of directives.  I did that a lot with our first-born, and I'm hoping with our last, I'm doing things a little differently.  With our first-born, I did exhibit some of the authoritarian parenting style, because I wanted so badly for him to be successful, well-mannered, and just a good kid.

What I've learned, and what I've been constantly working on, is giving up a lot of that control to get a child who can hopefully make good decisions, eventually big decisions, on his own.

Want to know more about helicopter parents?  Go to my page on helicopter parent. Want to know more about the person behind the present-day categorizing of parental styles?  Click here to learn more about Diana Baumrind. Interested in the other styles of parenting as defined by Baumrind?  Learn more about all the parenting styles here. Also relevant is my page on poor parenting.

Have some thoughts on this topic? Leave some comments!